The act of willingly killing oneself... Few words can provoke such emotions in people such as the word suicide. Most, if not all have at the very least thought of forcibly removing oneself from the world. Some stop themselves at thoughts because they have concern about loved ones and other things to live for. I used to stop myself from thinking such dark thoughts because I feared going to hell. Unfortunately, some do not possess such mental stopgaps.

Daily, minute by minute, hordes of people scattered throughout this lonely planet are teeming with so much pain that they seek out the ultimate remedy. Some of them are only really seeking someone to understand them. An angry few seek to lash out at a cold society and somehow make everyone regret their actions. Others still are suffering from a neurological imbalance which is causing them to think irrationally. Whatever their reason, they try to make the pain stop and believe this is their only solution.

Why am I talking about this? I was reading an article on yahoo news Read for yourself about suicide rates being higher in the spring. Ofcourse, this isn't news per se for me as I've known about this since my sophomore year in college. (this is frequently brought up) I noticed many psychological studies are published in the news much later than when I hear about them in class. Anyhow, it is probably surprising to many that spring is when the most suicides happen. If you asked a friend, they'd probably think winter, during the holiday season. In one of my classes, the professor talked about how suicidal people typically assume that once the new year comes and the sun comes out, that things will be (magically) better. Then, the sun does come out and slightly lifts the mood of the suicidal; just enough to give them the energy they lacked to do it in the first place. (we also talked about as a psychologist, one of the most dangerous times for a client who is severely depressed is a bit after they receive treatment because then they have that slight boost to energy)

The study also points out that places like China, Japan and Lithuania as having the highest rates and Mexico, Iran and Egypt as having low rates. (the U.S. as being just below average) They then come up with a bunch of reasons such as the amount of sun etc. They also note how white males are more likely to do so then say a Hispanic female. The one variable they completely leave out is religiosity. I'd say the likelihood of someone committing suicide is more or less inversely related to how religious they are. Not only does it better suit the data, but registers with me intuitively. I mean, I've heard so many people say "If I didn't believe in God..I probably would've killed myself already".

I think the God thing functions as a way of providing options and hope for better outcomes. One of the main reasons why people go through with the action is because many of the individuals see no other options for dealing with the issues in their life. Ofcourse, their are always other options but when one becomes highly emotional, its hard to think rationally. Which begs the question...

Is it rational to stay alive? I mean, I currently don't believe in God, why should I stay? Well, for one, you never get to experience the peace you seek. Secondly, emotions are like the weather: just wait it out and you'll be ok. Feel sad, well just give it 48 hours and the intensity should die down. Third, you'll never get to exist again! That is what actually frightens me. I like eating and laying and playing games and just breathing. You ever try to hold your breath for a really long time? It hurts not to breath. Death will be much worse. At the end, no one really really really knows what will happen. Maybe we'll be all whisked away in paradise. More likely, the cells stop responding and there is no more you. What is known is what is here. There are things that will increase your happiness here; there is no guarantee that death will increase your happiness. Death's only promise is pain unlike anything you ever experienced.

So to me, it is rational to stay alive. (Just in case anyone was wondering) I haven't had any serious thoughts since maybe 2002. If you're seriously considering it, you should private comment *or IM* me or better yet, call 911. As for the rest of us, we can continue to quietly stew in our own juices till the your friend/family member/spouse says the wrong thing and then go to pieces over something relatively small. "But I just said I needed a lil space" "NO ONE LOVES ME... !!!" *as a fast warm tear slides down the face" Woah. LoL. The crazy mini dramas that often go unwritten, I swear. Well, that's all for now. Maybe tomorrow with another entry.

Oh P.S. If you want a disturbing video to go with this entry, go to Enjoy!