Well, I'm not angry right now. So, I decided to reread kaliko's nicely stated comment around 3 times over. After analyzing it, here is my conclusions.

Kaliko sure knows how to get to me. God's hiddeness *is that a real word?* is what got me doubting in the first place. It almost makes sense he revels himself to those that seek him. However, what about those that seek him that aren't taught about the "christian way". Why don't they get reveled to. It seems like an American phenomenon. Unless, there are christian missionaries influencing them. Not that I'm trying to knock your theory, because I respect your theory ALOT. It's just that my lack of faith needs some reassurance to quiet my doubt.

The second paragraph is right about me never truely seeking God. I do wait for him to "do" something. I guess you could say he's reached out to me, if that means people who tried to talk to me about him. But, I dunno if he really really gives everyone an equal shot. I mean, some people have family who guide them. WHile others are loners and see maybe an occasional christian trying to change his/her heart. And what about those before christian influence, like the native americans?

Kaliko, I guess your right, I am afraid to give it all up to God. I feel I will lose myself. Not to mention that I"m not comfortable with the judgemental people which seem to be more often than not christians. Especially because of my "paticular" sin. I I dunno that I can totally change the way I think that I'm suppose to change.

Um, I question the "if I give everything, he will give more than I ever wanted" phrase. It may seem like that to Americans, but I'm sure there are many African christians that would disagree.

YOur right, ultimately, it is my decision. The funny thing is I always kinda wished that'd someone else would kinda force me into it. One of my reasons I wanted to end up with a nice christian girl.

I always wondered, can God really really give me back the love that I have been searching for. Reading kaliko's comment makes me think that its possible. Though I don't want that to be the reason I turn to God. It'd be like I"m using God to fill me up with love. I want to turn to God because I think he's really there, caring, helping, creating, and inspiring.

Anyways kaliko, thank you for the comment. Sorry about my reply being a lil argumentive. That's just me trying to quiet my doubts. I hope your not offended. Also want to thank you again for the books "the case for faith" and "the case for christ". I'm almost done with the first one. I liked it, but there were small holes in the logic that bothered me slightly. Anywho, you are probaly the one reason I still have some belief in God. And that part of me thinks God sent you to my diary. Thanks kaliko, i'll keep you informed of my progress *or regression*. Take care

For you curious people, here is her comment to me:

The thing about God, at least the Christian God, is that He is a little bit hidden. He has revealed just enough of Himself that He can be found by those who honestly look for Him. If you think about it, this kind of approach makes sense. Those who come to God are those who truly wanted to, and did so of their own free will.

In the last few years of reading your diary I have seen a lot of growth. But to be truthful, and I don't say this to be mean, you haven't ever saught God. You have been waiting for Him to come to you. Tino, God has already made the first few steps. His bible is there for anyone to read. You've had several people come to you and try to talk to you about Him and about how they feel about it. He's already tried to call to you like He does to everyone.

It's up to you now to decide if you will answer. What has held you back for so long is the ultimate truth you already know. And I suspect it scares you. God asks for nothing more nor less than everything of you. What He gives us is everything. All that we have and are He freely gave to us out of love. What He is trying to give to us now is out of greater love. His only son paid a price for us, so that we could one day be with Him.

Today people are so concerned about what they have, and almost always they have to have more. That need to have dominates their lives. But as I see it, if God gave me everything, how hard should it be to give it back. If I do, He's going to give me even more than I ever asked for, or that I ever had.

But the one thing He will give me is the one thing I cannot find or keep to myself. And it isn't happiness. Happiness is fleeting and conditional. No one can just be happy, there always has to be a reason for them to be happy. I want more than that, and God has offered it to me in overflowing abundance.

That something that is better than happiness? Joy.

Now this was my gushy mushy way of putting how I feel. Only you can decide what you are going to do, think, or believe, Tinoz. But while you are wondering whether God is even really there, He'll still be calling to you.

The love you seek and have always wanted, is the kind of love that chooses you, sees all that you are - the good and the bad - and loves you anyway. Only God can love that way. The only people I know who can come close to showing that kind of love to another person are those who have accepted God's love and share it freely.

We all have a decision to make. This truly is a limited time offer, only one lifetime. What I pray for people is that they take what time they have to make an informed decision. In other words, if you want to know God, look for Him.

>^..^< <------------------note the trademark text cat signature. The only way to know if the comment really is from kaliko, not some hacker that is using her name. ;)