Today I have come to let out because part of the reason I've wrote to you is to be honest. Let the truth come out. At first, I was gonna just avoid the subject, but then I thought, if I can't say it here, where can I say it. This is a confidence builder. So maybe I don't have to live a lie.

This is a big deal for me. THe reason is that my guy friends have let it be known that only losers don't have sex. Even tv shows say it. Usally I don't tell anyone, including those guys because people treat you different. Sorta like when you tell someone you've never drank beer. THey think your a wimp, and try to pressure you to follow they're footsteps.

The reason I haven't had sex is twofold. One is confidence. I'm not sure if i'll last long, and if I'll be good. The second is cause I trying to follow the virgin to marriage thing. THe only problem with that, I don't plan to marry in the next 10 years. Hello, I'm only 19. Even my bestfriend (JOE) don't know. I feel so ashamed, I almost don't like thinking of it. THe funny thing is, I usally don't fall for the peer pressure thing. But the difference is that sex is accepted as normal, and drugs and beer aren't. SO if you don't do drugs, your mom and friends will support and respect your decision. I pray that I can find some way to tell them, or stop the lie. I hate lying, it's so not me. Ahhhh Well at least God don't act that way toward me. That helps. He understands. He doesn't look for a quick joke to express his sympathy. He's great.