Wow, so much to cover I don't know where to begin. Well, first off, Saturday. I got up to check email and gasp, no internet. I called my ISP and found that my internet service provider had gone bankrupt. *I use @home* So I was effectively knocked off. Couldn't be worse timing either. Everyone in the house had taken off and I was home alone. I hated it. I for some reason started to have a near panic-attack. I don't know why. THen I started to get really mad after that. Was mad that I had no one and was so bored and alone. I um, how do i say this, called out to I guess whatever spirit and said "I want to have fun no matter what, I'm tired of this, me being religous has got me nothing" At the moment, nothing happened. THen as the family got back, I Swear to GOD, I almost felt completly different. I wasn't consciensly thinking to be mean or anything, just did. I did alot of just mean and odd things. So after that, Ray calls. I talk to him for 8 hours. Find out more, though was really bored talking to him.

Sunday, I watch some football and decide not to go to church. Was really alone and started to do more just odd and mean things. Was enjoying doing the stuff, but at the same time, I was like, What am I doing? So that day goes by as started to consider doing stuff that I would never consider. *like thinking of just dressing up like a goth, lol* Among other things.

Monday. As I'm going to bus, I continue with this MEAN behavior. I move a blind guys stick with another stick several times. He was really confused. As I'm on bus, I start considering why am acting like this. Logically, I'm thinking, must be shot of testostorone and me taking out anger. Spirtually side starts thinking maybe I may of baited a spirt, though is hard for me to even swallow that explaination cause I have my doubts about God. Before this, I really didn't acknowledge spirts as exsisting. In any case I make decision that I don't like the way I became and started to pray. Again, no magical change or anything, just gradual return to normal. While on campus, I'm down because I start to reflect on some of the stuff I did and the fact my mom has changed jobs again. Felt really low! Stayed for a while then went home. Got depressed again. Read psychology book. Had some good advice. Actually helped me understand some stuff about coping. Later, I stay up and just listen to lots of music.

Tuesday. Was a bit down at first cause I seen no one on campus. I went in libary to attempt an entry when I seen donald. AHHHH! He seen part of an entry, I clicked the x really fast and he asked what that was. Told him was an extra credit assignment. He took me to cafeteria. Hang out with Eliza. *wow, long time no see* Was pretty fun actually. Lots of talking, others were there too. *all Eliza's group* Was all cool though had BIG headache. Came home and did some calling. Called Ann. *old dmv co-worker* Was nice call, she is still in Oregon. Called Crystal. *girl I liked at dmv* She wasn't there. Called Ray. wasn't there. Called Jeff, he went to psychologist. Day went by ok, had talk with lil sis. Reason, my mom was getting down on her for no reason. I explained to her she don't hate her, is the beer. Explained lots. I cryed after. Was sad she was feeling down. Also was a lil mad cause our refrigerator still ain't working. We have to buy groceries daily. I pray afterwards. Was beneficial.

Today. I make cd after waking up in middle of night. Reason, lil sis found cd player. I take to school and again, they love my songs. Was really good today. Shared my songs with everyone and talked alot with Megan. *me and her can just conversate so good* Also Eliza was there too. They both started flattering me. Started to both compliment me. Felt good. Not sure if Eliza meant it *she had brokend up with Dario* Megan I think did. I could tell, I think she likes me. *gee, hope she does* I like her too. We love same songs, even shared headphones, also when we talk we are on same page. She asks me to borrow cd, but I already promised avina. She said tomorrow she'll come and listen. Wanted to know what time I'd be there and everything. :) After Candace comes and hangs out for a bit. I listen to music then leave. Go get new bus card, come home. Find out that Internet is back on. YAYA!!!! Though email is lost. :( Still. :) I guess i'm hooked on this. I guess I need to write entries and chat and get advice and keep up on news,sports,games,etc. I'm so glad its on. So glad. Though I'm still not quite happy cause life still sucks. Found out my mom did something I"m not too happy about. Anyways, I'm tired of typing, I'm off. Thanks for the concern annette and ibite.