Today I went to church. *yes on a saturday, I'm a SDA* Ray's mom picked me up and on the ride there, I was kinda toying with her. What do I mean? Well, she started to talk about someone in work she thought was weird and I decided to make her feel guilty about it by making her think about my theory of how everyone is different and how she is contributing to the fakeness of this world. *Not the best thing I should've done, but I did, guess since I knew I could, I did* Eventually, we arrive.

At the church I listened to the sermon. It centered around the communion we were to partake in. Was ok at best. We did that and then had the fellowship dinner. There, I started to socialize. I kinda was being open with them. I guess I'm not worried about them knowing me. They asked me questions and I answered them as if I was talking to my best friend. They seemed kinda concerned and that comforted me. *though my cynical side says they just wanted juicy gossip* Later, me and Ray went in a room and talked. Was a pretty deep talk. We talked about how christians should act and such. Conclusion we came up is to do like God does. Let others know that your available in a time of need. We came to this because we were discussing how eager some people are to help others even when they don't need help. *I would explain, but that's a whole paragraph* Later, Ray's friend Lawerence came in.

As I talked with him, I realized that this guy is ON FIRE for the lord. He has his whole day centered around serving. He also seemed to have all the answers to my questions. His answers were so good, that I became pretty open with him and he helped ease my distresses. He's the kind that has the potential to be a best friend. After that, he dropped me home.

After an hour at home, I had to go to the college to do this group project thingy. I got there and realized that only one guy showed up out of 7. So we then studied and left. I get home to check the answering machine, realize that the group called and rescheduled it for 10AM Sunday. *GRR, could've avoided being at the college had I listened to the machine* Anyways, I take a nap when I get back.

Later on after dinner, Jeff calls. He starts to talk to me and I start to act angry. *at that moment, wasn't even mad at anything in paticular* He starts to mention the fact that I need to forgive him. I told him I did. Just that our friendship has changed. He told me,"You need to let go and stop playing the victim role." Obviously, I didn't like being told that I was playing the victim role. SO I threw it back at him and told him that he always plays that role. So we go back and forth for awhile. He brings up some things I did wrong, I bring up some things he did wrong. Eventually he says he got to call Avina and will call me when he is done. *he hasn't called back so far*

As of right now, I dunno about our friendship. I still want it to exsist. At the same time, I don't want it to be a "fake friendship" Meaning that I don't just want to talk about trivial stuff. *sigh* I want to take it back to the personal level. Though I keep pushing that away. I like to push. I dunno why. Actually, i think its cause when I realize that they're pushing back that they care. CRAZY. Yup, that's me. ANyways, That is all. ~END~