Here I am, more free time. Trying to get back into the habit of a daily entry. Anyways, today and yesterday were pretty cool. Me and Michelle got some new, cute pics. Unfortunatly, I don't have my scanner anymore. *roach infestation from my old place* However, I'm gonna post them Monday at the college. As for other things, we also went out to buy costumes. Even though I know better, I'm still gonna celebrate halloween. I feel I shouldn't because I'm a christian and shouldn't be celebrating a "satanic" holiday. I don't intend on doing anything evil though. Just trick or treat, maybe a club. That's what Michelle wants to do. She is going to be a "schoolgirl". The outfits girls get in a private school, but it's a lil more provacative. If she wasn't with me, I'd prejudge her as lost and slutty. As for me, Michelle wants me to be a big baby. That's right, a big giant baby, with diaper and bottle. BTW, if you don't know by now, Michelle is the more extreme one in the relationship. I'm the semi-conservative one. Ok, in other news.

We bumped into Danielle 3 seperate times. She told me to call her 3 times too. I haven't yet. It's not that I don't like her, I think she is a very nice person. I just get this negative vibe from her boyfriend. Maybe its the fact her barely talks to me or Michelle when we bump into them. I get this feeling like he thinks "thier your friends Danielle". He doesn't seem like he's the shy type either. When I look at it psychologically, I think maybe he's insecure and has alot of walls up. It isn't like he don't have friends either, I always see him talking to this gay guy. He seems to be cool with him. Maybe it's that I'm not his type of friend too. I usually act nice and polite. He seems like he'd like the type of people that like rock and are open-minded. I don't know how to exactly describe in text. I want to be both thier friends, but no matter how much I push for it, I seem like I can't get pass his basic responses. When I say that, I mean, I ask a question, he answers that, and that's all. As for Danielle, she's talkative and nice. She wants me, her, michelle and prob her bf to go out and do stuff with her. I think it's a good idea. I just dunno how to approach the situation and tell Danielle that I get this bad vibe from her boyfriend. It isn't like I just met the guy, I've seen him atleast on 10 different occasions. I know she has read my entries in the past and I dunno if she'll read this one or not, but if she does, I hope she understands where I'm coming from and not be offended. Even if he reads it, I don't want him to be offended either, I just want to get along. Anyways, I may just grant her wish and call her and tell her myself. If somehow I can't tell her about how I feel, I'll just tell her to read this.

As for other things in my life, I'm a lil down. I came back home and my mom was drunk. *nothing out the ordinary* It's just that she has continued to hang the "I'm going make you homeless if you don't do what I'm saying" trip on me. It's daily. LITERALLY!!! I usually do. I pay her rent money. I clean after myself. I even have helped out around the house. She just don't really want me anymore. I'm old enough, I know. I want out too, just can't afford it at the moment. It's just that she don't love me. She won't give me any of her dinner she cooks. She don't care about my tumor. She would rather buy herself 40 ouncers than help me on pills or even give me some emotional support. I don't even want her money, I want her to say she loves me and hopes that i'll be ok. *and makes sure of that by going to docs with me* Instead, she rants about "WHat if I have something, I might die" I explain that I do have something. She then changes it to her problems with rent and people and her desire to live alone. There's more. The only thing I acknowledge is that she cares enough for me not to out and out throw me in the streets. THe things is, she can't even throw Lorenzo out either, even though she knows he's with another woman as I type, and he threatens to kill ALL of us, EVEN ME. She said it herself, she don't have the heart to throw anyone out. It's more of a guilt trip thing than a love thing. What irks me the most is the fact I've tried so hard to earn her stupid love. I've helped her with so many things. The list them all would take hours. Many of those things she has forgot cause of her stupid drunkiness. DAMN BEER. I F*#@en HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE ITGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Ok, I"m crying. I'm tripin. Gonna wake michelle up. That is all.