I am left stewwing in my own juices. I really was upset with my mom. I watch Spiderman on TV and eat some steak. She then calls at 10PM and apologizes that they didn't eat with me. She offers to take me out the next to eat wherever I want. I am hesitant to take her up on the offer, but I do anyways.

Ofcourse, being that she said I could eat anything, I chose lobster. *smirk* Not as expensive as you might think. Chinese lobster goes for about 16 dollars here. So me and Michelle get it the next day. Its Black Friday so I want to go shopping. She takes us to Target and we get a few nick nacks. Things like an ironing board, microwave and a toaster oven. What can I say, they were dirt cheap. We were also lacking in a few extras. Though the thing we wanted most was a camcorder. They were sold out of this decent one they had for around $200. *that would be considered me and Michelle's gift* Unfortunately, the campers got to them first. *shaking my fist to the sky in the computer room* DAMN YOU STORE CAMPERS! Ok, I'm getting a few odd looks. I don't think they care. I think the 6 people in line are hoping its some sort of signal that I'm ready to leave. Nope, not yet. I had to wait too. MY TURN!!! MUHAHAHAHA!

Yup, I'm one of those time wasters I loathe while I'm in line. In fact, just for fun, I start to put things in my backpack just so they think I'm getting ready to leave. OK, that is just mean of me, now that I read it. I'm just bored.

Anyways, that's life for now. I am hoping that maybe I could get something this year from my mom. And I hope they're not socks, again. My mom is weird, she's the kind that if you're around her while she has money, you'll get something. If, like me and my lil brother, are not, then that's too bad. That means the money has dryed up for the month. *sigh* My mom has the mental capacity of a 13 year old. Seriously, ask any of my siblings. That's why she's 46 and only making the same amount of money as me. Hmm... this kind of stuff reminds me why I envy people who have parents that have given them great advice and are always there for them.

Michelle always trys to tell me that one day we'll have a family of our own and that we can be the parents we always wanted. She's right but it doesn't mean that I wish for the total package anyway. Ofcourse, to keep me from being a victim state of mind, I try remind myself that most people out there are as fortunate as me. I have a fully functional body *if you don't count my pituatary gland* and I have access to a computer and running water. Though sometimes I wonder about if I'd trade it all in to have a tight-knit family. Afterall, us stupid humans are built to need human connections.

Ack, how'd I get all depressive there? Once a pon a time I'd say maybe I'm bipolar. But now, I know what that is and I'm not. I guess I'm just bored and programmed to default at slightly below ok. I need some sort of stiumlation......and I'm not talking about looking at that super bright pink sorority sweatshirt of the girl in front and to the right of me. I just repositioned my monitor so that it blocks it. Now i'm uncomfortable............

You know what, I know I'm rambling but I'm enjoying it. I like to see where my mind goes. I like my mind being semi-active. I've tried to do that buddist meditation thing where you try to get your mind to be quiet. I actually got there and I was totally freaked out. I felt like I was dead. It was not no nirvana for me. I snapped out of it and now enjoy my free associations. This sort of stuff reminds why I liked to journal daily. This experience of self-discovery and documenting my life is quite enjoyable. Too bad I don't write more. Sometimes I worry about being boring. I don't know why I care so much about what you think of my thoughts. It'd be exaggerating to say its a concern, but I do like to have something semi-stimulating. Otherwise, you guys would be *voluntarily* subjected to entries like this:

I went to work today and it was cold. I can't believe they blocked my shortcut for some stupid subdivision. At college, the professors spouted off mostly irrelevant information for hours. I got home and ate some meat with a side of rice. I watched House and I can't wait to find out how the whole intrusive cop thing turns out.

If you completely skipped that last paragraph, that's ok. Sometimes I don't read deeply into your journals. I scan for juicy and/or thought-provoking stuff. And when its not there, I still read as a sort of odd couresy. And sometimes I go to your past entries based on interesting sounding titles. Only to find out that it doesn't really cover what the title indicated it would. I have found many entries entitled "insert title here" far more interesting than those teaser titles. Yet, I still click on them. To be honest, I think I pulled a fake title here and there. Ones that sound totally bizarre or controversal just to tell the reader that the entry has nothing to do with the subject in the header. Though I don't do that as much anymore. I've successfully weaned myself from wondering about the hits I get daily and wondering who is visiting me. Though I can't necessarily say the same thing about comments. I like 1 comment there. Then, the neurotic part of me feels better. Especially those "private" ones. They make me feel like I have a special connection with the person or something. I'm like, "OH, a private comment!" Some just do it to remain anonimous, others, say things that make me say, "Wow......I would've never thought that she went through that."

This has been fun but I'm going to meet Michelle in one of her classes soon. Besides, those in the line might actually have something legitimate to do. Then again, like the girl a couple computers away, they could be going on that myspace for HOURS!. Nothing wrong with myspace, but come on, it seems like some people in myspace spend more time maintaining their "space" than actually interacting with people. Anyways, take care.