Gerrrrrrr. That is the feeling I get when I think about what beer has done to my life and my familes' life. Her beer of choice, King Cobra. She usally drinks about 2 32ozs and one 22oz. The reason I am writing about this is because today, she missed work for the second straight day. Just cause of her stupid hangovers. She is still new to this job. She ain't really sick, just had a bad hangover. What is she gonna do when she really is sick. She promised me many times that she would try to stop. MOst recently when I had surgery to have my tumor taken out. I thought for sure she was gonna stop. Now I know she'll almost never stop. IF that didn't make her stop, me potentally on my death bed asking her to stop, nothings gonna stop her. I prayed so many times for a end of her drinking, but to no avail. I think what's sad is that her drunk personality is now just her personality. Also, she repeats stories over and over again.
Another thing about her habit, she likes stupid, abusive men. Thank goodness I'm old enough to make sure they don't live here. THe worse one is the one she got now. WHy. Not only does he verbaly and physical abuse her, he's the one that got my bro and sis in CPS custody for a while. The reason is he was driving all crazy, then when he stopped for a second, my little sister jumped out the car. My dumb grandma called cps. Where was I, christian summer camp. All happy, meeting new friends and learning more about God. It was the biggest rollercoaster of emotions in my life. I went from perhaps my happiest to maddest, saddest. When I found out that my bro and sis were gone, I almost lost it. She was like, oh, they're gonna give em right back. I promise. That is when I made sure he'd never live with us. Since he was an immagrant, I scared him with INS. Where was my big bro you might be thinking, he was locked up. SO I had no one to turn to. IF I wasn't a christian I probaly won't be writing here today. So, to make a long story shorter, my bro and sis came back after 7 months in CPS care. My mom went through all kinds of programs and was ordered to keep the kids away from the boyfriend. She still sees him though, at night. It's cause her self esteem. The boyfriend and beer have took all her self esteem. Ever since then, I've never loved my mom the same. Not to mention the money she stole from me during that same time. It's been about 2 years ago now. Even writing this makes me tear up. Well, have a nice day everyone, I'm gonna go on my bed for a while, face down, I gotta let it out. Later.
Comments (9)
I know it hurts, every time my mum told me she would stop drinking, it hurt more when she started again.
I don't believe her anymore. I don't let her hurt me anymore. I will be praying for you hon, I hope things get better.
Hang in there ok?
tinoz,
What I am going to say may sound rude or even cruel. That is not my intention.
You are wasting your breath and time begging your mother to stop drinking.
There is absolutely nothing that you can do for her. It is totally up to her to help herself and want to stop drinking.
But, what you can do, is pray for her and turn her over to God and let Him deal with her.
Who knows maybe she will get a conviction on her heart and stop drinking!
You need to keep praying for protection for you and your siblings. I will do the same.
It seems like God is already protecting you all. It may not be the way that you want it done, But God is doing it "His Way." Later on, you may come to realize that God's way was better after all! The last time, you was at camp, and the others was taken out of a bad situation. All was protected!
You need to focus on your life and enjoy life the best that you can. You should not take on your mother's problems, you can't change them.
You may be able to stand up for yourself and your siblings, but do not place yourself in harms way!
I am praying for you and your family.
Honey
but sometimes I wonder if any of it is heard...
it is hard to gather faith when so many things like this happens...
I used to try to help the world, heal the world etc... but I am gave up ... changing the world is too great a task. Anyway the world took advantage and dragged me down.
so i try to change one person, my family/friends, and it proved too difficult too .. people are set in their ways... they would think you do no understand (maybe I do maybe I didn't) but they always think they are right... and they don't want to hear someone tell them their faults/wrongs etc ... actually they know it themselves... and it makes them dislike you more and you feel all the build up frustrations etc... often end up depressed instead... or sometimes they just take you as the punching bag and got abusive... it is depressive too to be abused ...
So I decided to change the man in the mirror... it was difficult but at aleast I know I try and try ... and when i see some little improvements I am happy... I guess through my own change I influenced the people around me... perhaps they will get better perhaps not ...
A prayer I heard long ago:
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things
I cannot change
Courage to change the things
I can and
Wisdom to know the difference.
A poem for you too:
-------------------
Come away, oh human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand
For the world more full of weeping
than you can understand.
Sometimes you got to take a break from it all...
just to keep from crossing the thin line.
Hey take care my friend...
sometimes I wish we can send hugs over...
cause I know er both need one...
yours most sincerely
koro
Somehow I have come to accept them and their short comings. I see them as transient and it will pass... or I may move out of their lives or they may move on etc... so I try not to worry that much...
I try to be positive and happy so that these things don't get me down... and when I am feeling better people around me also start to be sorta influenced by that ... I still don't know hows that...
When they are positive and you are positive... I found I got persuasive... gentle persuasion ... and made things humourous at the right time ... and sometimes this strike the chord in that person more than hardcore nagging and stuff...
and support what ever little improvements you notice and make positive comments that you know will get them like "you look positively better today... did you do something", "I like the smell of soap on you, i wish you smell good every day"
Some times it works sometimes not... but if you know the person well the success rate is better.
Somehow I read a verse somewhere that said that I pass through this life but only once and I should treasure it and help as many people as I can while I am around. For in my next life time I will not pass through this again.
Sometimes people see me and think I have it easy ... and I don't have any problem.... it is just that I try not to let things get me down and try to be positive... but perhaps we are all equally hard hit in trouble .... we may just not show it.
Are u a carrot, an egg or coffee?
Read on... ... to find out ...
A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil.
In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he and turned off the burners. He
fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed
it in a bowl.
Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"
He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard,
and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside
became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water."Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your
door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? "
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How about you? Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?
Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a divorce, or a layoff have
you become hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and heart?
Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain, to its peak flavor reaches 212 degrees
Fahrenheit. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you .
When people talk about you, do your praises to the Lord increase? When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, does your worship elevate to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
-------------------------------------
:-)
Become Mr Bean?
Frankly I prefer hugs but an inspiring story to warm our hearts is better than nothin ... :-)
Hey thanks for your comments .. sometimes I see people's entries and thought how much like myself they are .. I cannot help but sometimes drop some comments in the hope that it may help them... I wished internet existed at my time ... it really took me real long and to be treated like a freak for so long but things come a full circle. eventually....They always will...
For every beginning there will be an end. For every ending, it is a new beginning.
It is not selfish to love oneself.. it is the hardest thing. We are often most critical of ourselves then anyone else.
Hey friend, you must take care of yourself...
don't get depressed .. you know there is DD and other stuff to look forward to.. cus you get depressed once .. you will get depressed again and each time is deeper and stronger and harder ... and eventually it became difficult to climb out of the downward spirial.
koro
I loved the story. Many times we want to be like the coffee, but don't know how.