Nothing in particular happened to stir us up. The relationship is not working. As much as I'd like to list all the things that Michelle contributed to messing us up, I know I have done my part in messing us up. I have grown rather bored of describing the details. Bascially, we're not meeting expectations of each other.

One one hand I'm really sad. I am alone out here. I really don't feel I have anyone I can really lean on or anything. *hopefully that don't offend any of you* Society sets it up that way. I'm sure I've done my part to burn a few bridges as well. Anyways, I don't know what I would do in terms of relating to others or myself. My happiness somewhat depended on how my relationship was going. Not the logical thing to do, but it seems to happen often to people. At this point, if we really break up I don't want to jump into another relationship. I will just be depressed *even more so* and just play more video games and maybe chat more often. Though I'm skeptical of chatting now. I have lost too many friends that it hurts to go on the messengers any more. There is only one person that consistantly talks to me and she knows who she is. So yeah, I really feel detached from this pathetic society.

I'm also very angry. I am powerless to change a lot of the things I want to change. I hate how people act. I hate how people think. I hate the little social games people play. Its a sense of indignation. I try to do good *whatever that is* and people are mean and life is definately unfair. I understand why religons say God will torture some endlessly. I can't even do something truly autristic. There is always secret agendas with everyone and it drives me fucken nuts. I have to struggle my ass off just to survive. Can't even rely on my fucken family because they are totally dysfunctional. In what world is it that I'm the worse one for raising my lil brother and sister and my big brother is the good one despite him shooting at us and causing a variety of driveby shootings to occur? Only in a world where my mom likes him because he is more "cool" than me. Everyone but my lil brother is caught up in trying to be "cool" and looking good for others. Despite all the logic I say, I end up looking like some sort of grumpy old man.

I could go on for hours really. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that I'm sad and angry because they're controlled by the same area in the brain. *the amygalda I think* Though I'd say it isn't necessarily a biological problem. I mostly blame others though I do take responsiblity for some of it. Obviously the way people treat you is in part do to how you react to them. I just can't see that I caused all this and that in fact they are the ones that take out their crazy thoughts out on me. Seriously, I feel the general public doesn't have a great deal of sanity. People walk around like they are something else, think the world revolves around them, have a completed colored view of reality and many do things that sabatoge thier future success. Its ridiculous. Don't believe most are off? Just go into most any chat room or message board. You got a bunch of racist, classist punks. I gtg, Michelle and I need to pay some bills.