Well, today started with me waking early. Hung out in big bro's garage and played some video games. He offered me some food and stuff while in there. I was grateful then told him what was on my mind. *what is that you say?* Well, told him he really confuses me. That for nearly all my life he has beat me up and treated me like crud and now he's been really nice. I asked him why is he doing it. He told me that he is nicer than I think and I just got to hang around him more. *I don't think so, but nice thought* So we talk a lil more about that and come to conclusion that maybe he's changed. *I dunno, maybe, but even so, what he did in past to me still breeds distrust in me*

Later, I leave watch tv. Decide to call Jeff, he isn't there, then he calls me after. We talk a lil bit bout Megan calling. He thinks she likes me and that we should get together. I tell him at this point in my life, I don't think I just want friends. *not that I don't like her a bit* Thing is, I am barely handling myself, how could I go after someone else to hear about thier problems and stuff. I think me and Megan have an unspoken thing about just being friends for now. *if it is meant to be, it will happen, no rush* How do I know that were just friends and stuff? She talks about guys she likes, I talked about girls I like. *that should be past tense, don't like them anymore*
Eventually, Jeff gots stuff to do and gets off phone.

So i'm at home feeling depression set in when I decide to call RAY. I call round 3. Me and him have long intellectual talk about emotions. *if that is even possible* He is good for that, we can discuss theories and go semi-deep, but never goes beyone a certain level. Like I describe to him that at times I get sad and stuff, but never seems approiate to talk bout detail. I told him about us only going semi-deep, he thinks it is because we don't share daily environments. *as in hanging out* He thinks if we hung out more, we'd start to revel a bit of ourselves and leave open possiblity to talk deeper. Anyways, that lasts for about 3 hours then I get off phone.

Spend time with lil bro and sis watching tv. Mom eventually comes too. Is ok watching with her there. Only thing I really don't like is that I'll be giving advice to my lil sis while I am. Is like, I've already taken role of parent and got my lil sis to open up a bit then my mom wants to butt in with some dumb comment. *yes, a dumb one, not understanding where my lil sis is coming from* I appreciate her trying, but thing is, I got lil sis' trust and stuff. She wants that without earning that. ANYWAYS, we watch american music awards.

Was gonna sleep after that, but decided to go online and look for friends. None on. :( Read up on that one diary I linked to yesterday. That person reminds me of me. I want to help, cause I think i can. I hope I can, need oppurtunity to chat though.

That leads me to title. Friends, what is thier role? Is it for them to be emotional support? To pass time with frivilous conversation? To help you when you down? Just for laughs? I guess what I really want to know is how I can be an ideal friend. Also, want to know what to expect from people.

Speaking of friends, need to talk to the one that has potential to be ultimate friend, GOD. I have found myself not really praying or just "talking" to him. Now its not really lack of belief, its more apathy. Anyways, my mind is all over, I need to compose it and then reorgainze this to make sense. That is all. ~END~