Today started as usual. Get ready, get on bus, go to college, head to student center. *I'm kinda liking the routine actually* The group talks while I just listen, but then we're told to quiet down cause some school kids were there touring the campus. *we decide to leave* We hang out outside. There, we talk about going to lunch. *almost an everyday thing now* They decide after Avina comes. After what seems like forever, we start talking about who's car we'll take and stuff. *I"m there thinking about bible study, its at noon* We head to parking lot. As were walking, I decide to run to bible study. * I know, a lil odd, but I do* I arrive, its good study. About giving your problems to God, having faith he will help you, being happy in lord REGARDLESS of situation. *was perfect subject for me* After, I get invited to fellowship thingy tomorrow. I agree to go. I leave.

I go back to student center, see Andre. *they forgot to take him* He is sad. I lay on couch there. Avina eventually comes in. She notices I'm there kinda down. She says she wishes she could help, and tells me it'll be ok. *she then goes to study on table* I stay on couch for awhile till she calls me over to sit down. I do. Jeff eventually comes in, asks where the heck I go. Told him I didn't much feel like being around them at moment. *half the truth* He asks agian, "you gonna be ok?" I tell him "I don't know" He asks me to go to bus again with him. I agree. Eventually we go. We talk about letting God help with problems. How to learn to cope with the problems I have. Could be better, could be worse. *so true* I talk about how he don't cope. * a way of me shifting focus* We talk about that. We head on his bus. He asks me if I'm suicidal, I tell him no. *NO, I'm not by the way* He also asks about food situation at home, I tell him its ok, not to worry about it. *even if there are at times situations, I'm not gonna ask for help, unless we can't do it on our own* Before he gets off bus he says,"things will get better, just you wait"

I go back to college, I go sociology class at 7PM. I see none other than Eliza. She is sad. Dario stood her up. *Gee, like I feel bad for her, now she knows what its like* She eventually calls his house, he ain't there. SHe has option of killing time with me, but decides she will go to English lab. *supposely she needs 27 hours of English lab* If Dario was there, she wouldn't have went. ANyways, I go to very empty student center. I kill time by reading school paper. GO to class, finish it. Was about Race stratification. Was pretty interesting, go on bus, head home. Mom cooks hamburgers, I finish em. Talk for a bit, I come on computer.

Tomorrow should be ok for me, one class, then hanging out. Hopefully will enjoy time till fellowship thing. As of now, I'm gonna try to go back to NORMAL. If there is such a thing. I'm gonna try not to focus on my problems and just enjoy the moment. NO focusing on past, or what will happen. TIME TO LIVE IN PRESENT. WHo knows, maybe I can make it out of this funk. I think now that I realize its not just me that will pull myself out of this, but God as well. Now if I can only just listen to my own lil sayings on this diary, such as keeping focus on God, I should be ok. Hmmm, hopefully things don't go terrible wrong tomorrow. Anyways, I want to thank anyone who did pray for me, think it got through to me. I feel like I'm gonna be able to make it afterall. *gee, hope tomorrow I"m not on here boo hooing about something* Goodnight. Or day