Besides all that, yesterday wasn't too bad. Played a whole lot of Mario Kart Double Dash with Michelle. Couldn't beat this one part. Was fun. She wants to get other Mario games. You won't find me disagreeing. Though we still got to find work and crap. Technically, I'm a tutor but that is just 5 hours a week. As you know, dinner can cost more than that.

This week has really been up and down. I say that a lot but it really has. Me and Michelle fight a lot and have thought about breaking up a lot lately. Obviously, we got to stop trying to use that a power tool in the relationship. That just does damage. I think of it as someone putting a gun to your head. The first time its very upsetting. The second time your still upset. The third time, its like, ok, don't shoot me dumbass. The fourth time is like, you either shoot me or not, make up your mind. So yeah..

We could be moving if things don't work out here. Here's the plan. If I don't get a good paying job and she gets accepted to UCLA, we'll move down there. I'd live on campus at CSU LA and her at her parents. I'm curious about it but also afraid of being far away. Though nothing has really worked out here. Her parents refuse to let me live there. Mainly its her dad. Her very old-fashioned. I understand why he's like that. Though the same rules don't apply to her brother. Its an odd double standard that I started to realize is common among the Chinese culture. Boys get all the perks while girls are just basically just overprotected but get nothing. Anyways, that wouldn't happen till late spring, when the colleges contact you about that sort of thing.

In other news, haven't been to church in awhile. Too tired. Though I've woken up for other priorities before. I dunno. Maybe I should blame the devil. Though I don't think that would be a good excuse. And I don't really try to focus my life on God and stuff. I know I'm still mad at most christians and I believe a lot has to do with me just never getting along with them. I always felt I had to be someone else around them. So me trying to turn myself into one of them presents some internal problems. There are some doubts too. I've always had a problem with blind faith. I guess because I've always had to be skeptical of people, even my family. And you know psychology says that what you think of God is based on how you percieve your family. Crazy huh? I know God is nothing like my mom *duh* but nonetheless, he's a parent figure and our brain must store the info in the same area or something.

While writing this, my mom was nagging, as usual. Its the mother thing to do. Though that's the only motherly thing she really does anymore. She worries a lot but does little to solve anything. Plus, she takes on burdons that aren't hers to take. Case in point: Angela, my big brother's ex, got arrested for having dope in her house. She's facing 10 years and someone also robbed her house. So, my mom is all worried about her and stuff despite the fact that Angela was mean to her and the rest of the family. Plus, she cheated on her son, HELLO. Its like Michelle said to me, " Its like she worries about others outside her family to make like she's a good person. But when it comes to her family, she doesn't want to do anything." Bottom line is that she is big on talk, little on actions. If you met her, you would initially like her. Most people do. She talks like she is a warm caring person. But then, the sneaky part, she never does any of it. She will in turn ask for favors from other people and then over time, the friendships fade. So yeah....its tough living with her but that will likely change. She is too upset about how she is living with us and probaly will move when she gets her big tax refund. Every year for the last few years, she's moved with that money she gets. She always runs away from the problems she starts at these places. Well, I think I'm done for now. Later