Well, finals week is here. I've had 1 so far and I believed I done well. I will know my grade tomorrow. Schoolwise, I'm doing good. Friendwise, things have been interesting. I inadvertantly helped Terry decide Jessie was not just a person who uses guys for stuff and likes to have guys as options. With that, Terry decided that he would get a girlfriend. *he did, to just about everyones surprise because he's heavy set and old looking* She's better looking than Jessie too. Also, Eliza was mad at me because she believed I didn't like her as a friend anymore. I had to play otherwise. *i don't like her as a friend no more* I acted friendly in order to get the money she been owing me. I'm about to cut it off totally, just waiting to recieve my money. It's been way too long. I also hear Jeff dropped all his classes and won't be able to enroll for next semester. Same with Donald. I believe it's academic dismissal.
Finacially, life has been better and worse. I am out of a job, so that's not good. I do have some money to use for summer though. That is good. I thank GOD for a paticular blessing that I will not discuss further.
Spiritually, I'd be flat-lined. I want that to change as always. This summer will give me some free time. Though I'm taking an English composition class during the summer semester. I think I'm scared to totally follow God because I'll have to change so much about myself. Honestly, part is sex. Part is the fact that I like using my time to succeed. Once I'm finacially secure, I feel I can address issues such as spirtuallity.
Internally, I had been doing good. Though I have been having persistantly low self-esteem the last couple of days. Right after my weight training class finished, I looked at myself and determined my body looks like an overgrown kid. Michelle has comforted me alot and that has kept me at ok. As illogical as body image is, it does bother me. I sometimes wish I could just cut off the extra fat with a knife. Though I know logically the only way that is gonna happen is if I sweat it out the old fashion way and have a healthy diet. It's funny too, I finally hit my ideal weight of about 145lbs *at 5'7* and I feel worse than I had been at 160. Sometimes it bothers me that I know better than to think like this but i still do.
Well, that about wraps it up. I have 2 more finals to worry about. Both land on Friday. The anthropology one shouldn't be hard. The history is what worries me. 2 essays, 2 hours. AAAAHHH! Serious prayer needed there huh. *though I question whether God actually helps people during tests* Anyways, that is all. ~END~
........someone left the notify list. That sucks. That always somehow bothers me. Why that arbitary number means anything to me sometimes bemuses me. Wait, i know why. Says less people are interested in me. Why that matters, i dunno. I like knowing I get atleast some minimum attention maybe. *smirks* I remember I used to look at the hits. That number is also decieving. Besides, no number tells me how important I am. *or does it; dum dum dum* Ok, that is all. ~THE REAL END, or is it?; dum dum dum~
Comments (2)
A little coffee has been proven to help on test taking (so has a little pot smoking, but I don't recommend that--stay with a little coffee). About your self esteem. Let that come from your faith in God and your understanding of your importance to him. He chose and loved you before the foundation of the world, the Bible says. Also, do not err in thinking you need to become financially secure to reach a higher level of spirituality. It actually could turn out the other way. Look at it like this. You are already rich in Christ and faith. Anyway, don't lose faith and remember that there are other Christians out there who know what you are feeling and experiencing. I will continue to lift you up to the Lord.