Technically, still have 12 mins till 25. OH WELL. Well here I am sitting here extremely depressed. WHY?! Probaly cause I'm starting to realize again that life sucks. I had put it out my mind for awhile but now its coming back. Probaly cause Ray brought it up. *not his fault though* He had me thinking bout lots of stuff. Was LONG conversation with him. Now I remember why I use to call him best friend. Was a 5 hour conversation. Covered alot about tumor and some bout me being poor. Also some bible inbetween. Was good talking to him cause he seemed like he was reaching out to me to. Use some analogy to point out that I don't always got to be the strong one. I pointed out to him that there is no one I feel comfortable talking about it with. Not only that, but I feel it is needless stress on them. He told me maybe they want that stress. *good point* Says its not fair that I hide all information about me till very end. Whatever!
Got off phone with him. Was alright, then started reflecting on life. I HATE almost everything I've gone through. Tryed to go on and chat with honey, we started to but life called her. I think she was gonna try to help. *shrug* Not sure why she continues. so I just go in shower and just cry. Yup, pretty pathetic, but I did. More I thought about it, the more I cryed, even cryed that now I turn to crying. I never was like this. I hate it. I hate being like this. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! Stupid tumor!!!!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID THING gots my hormones all stupid now.
Still upset. Tired of going through this stressful life. Day in day out I got to put up with some much crap. Most of which i don't even write about. Why? Cause I don't want anyone looking down on my family much more. Grrr, back of my head still hurts. Isn't tumor, what the hell is it? WHAT? Feels bruised back there. Nothing happened there. Also feel dizzy and weak. Hmmmmm Also pretty cold. See, this is what I hate, when these symptoms decide to come after me. And I have no one to comfort me. Most my online buddies don't even chat to me anymore. SO much for that. Offline most people probaly couldn't handle me. They can't even handle thier own lives. I just am so frustrated! So sad. GRRRRRRRRR I hate these feelings. Why do I keep wallowing around in them? Why? anyways, I'm off. Have nice days people.
Comments (10)
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((((lots of hugs)))))
FD
If you're at school then they are free...and if not your local doctor might be able to suggest some low cost psychologists that might be able to shed light on this.
I say this because disorders like BPD are very reluctantly labelled by professionals..one reason is that because they are so generalised..the symptoms can be symbolic of many things. So maybe there is something else that is the cause of your feelings. Check it out further if you can.
Anyway, good luck. I hope that things work out ok. :)
Yes you may indeed be disadvantaged to some extent. But you are in a position where you are able to study and learn and you have the resources at your fingertips to do so. You may not be as "rich" as others, but you are by no means poor.
I suggest you remember all the things that you do have before proclaiming yourself poor.
I also suggest you don't label yourself the way you have done. Get a professional opinion or you will find you start to act the way you think you should all because you read somewhere about a disorder you may or may not have.
You spend much time complaining.
There is always someone worse off than you.
Even in regards to your tumor.
You are still alive and you still have life in you and yet you seem to take that forgranted.
Negative attitude only breeds bitterness and unhappiness.
Perhaps the symptoms you have described that also relate to the disorders you have researched are nothing more than your own negativity.
Perhaps you should research that or at look into the "rea"l definition of poor not just a dictionary meaning.
Better yet ask a street person what they consider rich as. I am sure to them you fit into that category.
There is a saying that the grass is greener on the other side.
However I believe people like you forget to take care of your own grass and this is why it looks less alive.
Persistant complaining and your own negativity shall be your downfall.
To be a better Christian as you claim you want to be, try first being thankful for what you do have instead of what you don't.
Understand also that this is just my opinion and I mean no malice.
God Bless you with the desires of your heart not your mind.
All you are doing is fucking with your head more. Oh I have this and this wrong with me however will I cope, when really you are merely human and as I said some disorders like BPD are throw aways that can encaptulate the whole human race. The mind is much more complicated and fragile then the body so why do people insist on thinking its a one size fits all affair?