Time to put in 2 entries under one date again. Ok, first the 6th. Went to class, was interesting, did some studying with Donald and Jeff. We hop on the same bus, DOnald gets off, me and Jeff stay on. I decide to go to the youth group with him. He doesn't want to because he has a big test to study for, but we go anyways.

WHile there, I felt very isolated. The people I know sat in different area than me. Jeff practiced bass with group, though he wasn't happy there either. They couldn't seem to be able to keep up with him. The youth band is not as good as him. So after it seemed like he was ready, he decided to go back home. He got us a ride and there I was. I helped him study and I thought I was going to go home. I couldn't cause his sister feel asleep. *my only ride* So I had to stay the night. Was generally ok, though towards the end of the night, I started to get really depressed. *as you who chat to me at night know, I get depressed at night* He kinda helps by talking to me.

Today, we get up and watch some cartoons and eat breakfast. Was cool. Eventually we catch bus to school. *only bad part was I was wearing same clothes*

When we got on campus, I decided to have us study in the libary. We're there and he finishes up his assignment. We do some more studying for his test and he goes to his class. I go to group.

After his class, I see him. We talk. He did GOOD on his test, B+. We hang out for a bit when we decide to go eat. Is good, he is VERY happy. He eventually goes home. I stay on campus. I had to kill time before brain tumor support group. *found out that there was meetings once a month* So I go to the meeting.

While there, seen what I expected. All the people there were older than me and some were bald, while others were just partially. Not that many people attended, maybe 15. I heard people tell thier story, none of which really were emotional. When it was my turn, I felt VERY shy, I told my story in about 2 minutes. I was hoping they'd ask questions, they didn't. After me, the next few people took forever, I wish I had shared more. They seemed very accepting of thier tumors. One thing I learned is that all said they were alot more emotional after surgery. *hmmmm,interesting* I felt fortunate also. My tumor is benign. Most of theirs were malignant and deep within their brains. Mines is easy to access. At the end, I felt bored and informed. Actually, I was a lil jealous of all the support they got from friends and family. All thier stories had them toughing it out with someone that loved them. I don't really talk or tough it out with anyone. *ok, maybe Jeff, but not when it comes to the tumor* Anyways, I got a bunch of pamphlets and left.

Was sad on way home. I had to walk a LONG way. I don't live that close to the clinic. Maybe 2 miles. Was cold. Also, felt scared that someone might rob me. People get robbed in this area ALL the time. I eventually make it home.

Here at home, my mom's boyfriend is here. That upsets me. My mom does try to talk to me but isn't working. Not as long as HE'S here. She gave me dinner. I gave her a pamphlet to read. It was entitled, how to cope with your loved one's brain tumor. I thought it might help. It did. SHe came up and hugged me and told me she loved me. It touched my heart. :) Especially since she's not the hugging type. She's been REALLY great these last few days. I think them prayers is doing something. I mean, 20 years, I never seen her being so nice. Maybe people do change. *hard to believe, let me tell you*

Spiritually, I feel pretty good. I know I can be doing alot more but at this point, I believe faith is enough. Has been awhile since I had faith in God, but I know its never to late. :) I think I'll actually pray tonight. Major thing I got to talk to God about is my depression. Has been really hard to snap out of it, is like I'm stuck. I know it's illogical. Just, I keep having negative feelings towards my life. I say stuff to myself like, I'm so worthless, then I think, hey, i'm not worthless, what the heck?! Yet I know my feelings. My feelings say I'm worthless while my logic tells me that I mean the world to God and the people that love me. ARGH, anyways, I'm tired. That is all. ~END~