Well, alot has happened in the last few days. I went from completely being removed from God and hating everything to being a lil closer to him and not hating everything. What happened???? Well, lemme start from yesterday.

After the 16th being a bizarre day, 17th had me waking up depressed. I just woke up sad and started to cry. About what? Just about alot of stuff. I think hormones were messing with me. Anyways, I slept alot until i decided to go to bible study. I call Clement up and he gives me a ride.

Poor guy is hurting all over, says even cold air anywhere puts him in intense pain. Anyways, he drops me off there and I arrive. I see Lisa *this girl there* and she is happy to see me. I dunno, I feel a slight bond with her. Anyways, I go in and find a seat. I see a few familiar people and talk to them. I had brought my pictures and showed them. Since then, there had been another camp thing. *i missed out* I go and listen to chapter summary. NOthing signifigant to me. I then sit there after it is done and Crawadog comes and sits next to me.

He starts to ask me what is up. *he seems to be one of the few that have this care for me, I dunno why, but he does, not sure if he's just trying to be christian or what exactly* I avoid telling him in detail what has been happening to me, all I tell him is that I been doing REALLY bad. How I seem to go up a lil, then fall even further down. He then refers me to MAtthew 13:20. Goes as follows: When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth [it] not, then cometh the wicked [one], and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.

Mat 13:20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;

Mat 13:21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.

I think a pretty fitting text. He showed me other stuff too. Like that quote that I use to have on here, the one in Luke talking about Denying yourself. He had quite a few text that seemed to apply to me. He also caught on to me taking it kinda lightly. I think its cause I avoided eye contact and was smiling in dismay. Anyways, he offered me a ride and went away for awhile.

I caught up with a few people there like Adam, then was gonna approach Rebecca but she looked like she was near tears with someone, so i left her alone. I eventually leave with Crawadog.

With him, he offers to pick me up for this thing at that park on Sunday. I wasn't too happy about it, and I told him too. Its like God was putting a decison right in my face. I had already made previous plans with Donald, ELiza, Romero, and Ayumi. So after much hesitation, i tell him I will go. We end up also talking about how one reason I fall away is because I'm not friends with those there. I explained that they aren't in my area and hang out in different areas and like different things than me. Crawadog tells me if I gave them a legitamite chance, I just may find they can get me. *maybe* It isn't like I don't want to be thier friends, its just I feel i don't fit in with them because they are superior christians than me. Anyways, I make it home and decide to attend morning service.

I eat and go online. WHile online, I'm chatting to what I thought was one of my good friends Niel. We chat and then it comes up that he has something that he goes through but doesn't wanna tell me. I get offended because I told him alot. MOre so than i put on this diary. Yet he acts like I'm not trustworthy and stuff. I feel insulted over that and kinda "hang up" on him. Well, disconnect. ANyways, me and Nicole chat and go on and on about a million things. We always do. Me and her always seem to click really good. ANyways, she gets off and so do i.

TOday, very lame. A very forgetable day. I watch lil bro and sis and basically sort out lil fights. Nothing noteworth in day time. I later talk to Ray and Rakesh. Ray has changed to me. He seems actually cool to me. Its weird, he just is now. The way he talks and the things he does just makes him that way, so different than the way I used to know him. Eventually, i get offline with him. I chat briefly to Niel, he says he would tell me but I'm too judgemental. *he used the way I evaluated Eliza against me* Though he don't realize him and Eliza are completly different. I have to figure and kinda judge Eliza if I plan on dating her. Niel is an online guy I chat to. TOTALLY DIFFERENT! It isn't like I haven't told him alot. ANd the stuff I do tell him, he has teased me lightly about it. Something I"d NEVER do to him. Anyways, I get offline with him after having enough of him telling me he basically don't trust me, and I might tell pamela his gf. Even though I don't even know her. After that, I chat briefly and type this up. That is all, END