Well, I just seen the Matrix Reloaded today. I recommend it to just about anyone. If you like action. IT's got it. If you like movies that have you thinking outside the theaters, it got it. If you like movies that have sequels. *get the point?* The movie is a 10 in my opinion. Maybe not a 10 in everyones book because the excess of action, but the story is awesome.

The movie has a great concept that has me going. The main theory behind it is that everything you have experienced is an illusion created by a powerful and intelligent machine.

They way I apply it is, what if this is God's own matrix. What if God really didn't let sin harm humans. What if we're all in heaven and allowed to see a what if sin were allowed scenario. *far-fetched, possibly, but I like far-fetched ideas* What if our whole life is just God's way of seeing if we would have the faith in various situations that could exsist. We're already saved, it's all about excepting it, that way, once out of this matrix, we will be able to accept heaven and all it's rules. *biblically speaking, we're already saved thanks to Jesus*

All this ended up getting talked about with me and Michelle. She had alot of questions about how I know I'm following the right religon. I explain first that one must come to except that life was created and not random. That all the coincidences may not just be blind randomness. That we all have some purpose. Michelle then states, "what if the bible is just some persons observations and some logic thrown in" I told her she could be right. Other religons are like that. In fact, I could be dilussional, like all the christians. Or maybe everyone else are the dilussional ones. I'm not sure. The fact that christianity is the logic that comes closes to making logical sense to me. It could be all culture and norms. I chose not to except that though.

Michelle then asks, "if you wanting to follow all this so much, why don't you do it? Don't I hold you back?" I told her that I am scared to choose. Choosing christianity as my life would mean an end to the life I know now. With the christian life, I probaly would've never met her, or any one of my other friends. I'd be some pastor. As for her holding me back, I told her it is not her. It is me. I chose not to follow the path yet. I can't. Not without a mate. THough logically I know I'm suppose to rely on God, I know I can't. I need someone to go through the process with me. For the longest time I thought it was Rebecca. THough later I realized that she was to far along in her beliefs. Either I'd tear her down or she'd be the person that makes me sick of christianity. SO I backed off of her. I realized I needed a new believer or someone who wasn't on fire for God. I need(ed) someone I could grow with so I can focus. ANyways, that was the main thing I talked about the rest of the day. Much stuff concerning the why of my beliefs. Well, that is about if for that. If you want an interesting analysis of the first matrix movie, go to http://www.metaphilm.com/philms/matrix1.html.

As for my life. It is ok. Went to welfare office to have Michelle apply for food stamps and Medi-cal. *again* Hope she gets it. We also bought groceries and waited for the bus in the cold. Got home, talk to Alex,then type this entry. While typing this, I hear my mom and Lorenzo fighting. He is threating her. *another typical fight? the end of her relationship?* I guess she said something in the wrong tone. He's psycho. I pity my mom for having such horrible relationships with guys who verbally and physically abuse her. If only she would listen to any advice of mines. I think it's because I'm her son. She only likes to tell me what to do. Anyways, I dunno why he's here still. My mom hates him. Lorenzo complains about living here. .....

Reminds me, my mom isn't to fond of me right now. We're suppose to move soon and has repeatedly told me she don't want me to go. I argue the point that I am hers and I still need help. She says I'm a man now and don't need any. Thing is, if I go into the workforce prematurly before my bachlor's, I won't have a career. I will live paycheck to paycheck. I will probaly stay poor. *a victim of the cycle of poverty* I know she will let me go only because she doesen't have the heart to see me actually living on streets. It hurts though that she don't care about me that much anymore. *not that she has ever* To the point that I'm teary-eyed at the moment. *shaking it off* ANyways, I will be ok, I hope. THat is all. ~END~