Well, I guess I should start by talking about my birthday since that is on my mind at the moment. Well yesterday, the 17th was my birthday. Hooray for me. It didn't go that smooth, especially at first. Ok, here is what happened. I go to the college to take my class. *yup, decided to do a John Kerry and flip flop on that not going to college idea* I am taking another Sociology and Psychology class. The second one seems interestings, its using the creative arts as a theraputic tool. Anyways, I'm off point, more on that later. So beforehand, Alex and I decided to go out and eat after my first class. My class ends and I'm ready to go eat. Just then, Michelle shows up and says that she decided to take work off and wants to eat with me. Ok, that seems cool.

There is only one problem. Michelle wanted me to tell Alex that I didn't want to eat with him. She wanted to spend time with just me. So we argue over that because I don't like to break promises, especially because I felt that he could eat with me and she just about refused the idea that he eat with us, despite it being MY birthday. So I tell him and take him to the cafe. I take a lil long and she calls me saying, "Where the HELL are you?!" So I go there and then she is on the phone with the Medical. They made ANOTHER mistake and thus she probaly won't get her glasses. She eventually gets off and she is all mad and starts to be angry with me. I tell her that if she is going to be mad that I don't want to be around her and that I will go to my Psychology class. She continues and I leave. Eventually she continues and I tell her to leave. She eventually leaves and then I see her again and she begs me that I don't let this ruin the day.

She is crying and begging me. I'm already in a bad mood by then. I continually refuse her. This went on for atleast 30 minutes. Eventually I felt bad for her. It took awhile because I believe I have put up emotionally defenses. I just haven't really cared or discussing my emotions. I've been trying to be more logical. I do this because I worry that if someone gets to my raw weak side that they will attack. I have already let Michelle in and she did attack. She is sorry she did but that doesn't undo it. Sometimes I think that my logic is all that protects me from an emotional breakdown. Not that my logic is all that great but it helps me cope with seems to be various assults to myself by society in general. So N-E-Ways, we made up and went out to eat.

I got a steak and a strawberry sundae. Both were delicous. We then went to the nearby park and went on the swings. We then took a walk around. That had to be cut short due to an "unforseen" event. I don't think I will write it here because its too personal and may be too odd describing anyways.

So we go home and guess what. My mom actually bought me a cake. I didn't know when the last time she got me a cake. Would've been nice that I got a gift, but that would be just too nice of her. The cake was nice. Chocolate with vanilla and chocolate moose. I had a candle on there and wished for something to last forever. So then Michelle had to go to work.

Basically, our relationship is still very up and down. Seriously, in the same day we have an intense argument and then its almost perfect. Its a cycle I have tried to break but it has eluded me so far. It would be easy for me to say that it is Michelle that always seems to provoke me. However, arguments occur usually through the faults of both parties. I will try to clear up my faults and hope Michelle clears hers up. I don't expect perfection but just something less hectic.

Besides all that, things are alright. Got another job interview on the 24th. Its working with teens with mental illnesses and substance abuse. I hope I get that.

On the God front, I think I believe a lil more. Nothing in particular caused that. I do think that its kinda sad that my mind requires so much "proof". I should just "have faith". Though I think as I accept God and all that goes with that, I am skeptical of how certain denominations and political parties try to interpret his will. My assumption is that they are heavily influenced by culutre as opposed to what is really outlined in the bible. The bible speaks of love and peace. Some so-called christians try to put out there that God is a very stict and angry God that hates a majority of people. I don't buy that.

In the OMG I can't beleve he said that news, the BTK *bind them, tourture them, kill them* serial killer said at his sentencing that "I hope someday God will accept me. The dark side was there, but now I think light is beginning to shine," he told the judge. They also say that the "former dog catcher, Boy Scout leader and church congregation president called himself a Christian, quoted a Bible verse and talked about demons he referred to as "factor X" that drove him to torture and kill.

Well isn't that something to think about. You think that if he converts to God now that he could really be accepted into heaven? I mean, what if he truely repents and really was under "the mysterious but powerful influence of 'demons'". Whether I believe in demons is still in question. Techically, he should be accepted by God but wouldn't that be weird? I mean, is there a point that you go too far and that no matter what you do that you should go to hell. I mean, if he don't go to hell, it sorta throws the system out of whack. Ok, what if I go to hell because I "turned away from God" but he goes to heaven despite torturing and killing 10 people. I dunno, I'm sure God would know what He is doing.

From an atheistic perspective, he would be wrong and should be punished. However, ultimately it wouldn't matter because people were going to die anyways but, ethically, we shouldn't do the same to him. See, that kinda of stuff just sounds too wrong to follow. Anyways, I got to go.