Well, today was a very BLAH day. WEnt to my classes, got lectured, hung out for a bit, then went to study hall where I grabbed a few psychology books. As I read about alot of things ranging from psychology of death to psychology of intimacy. I was up there with Donald.
I read for a good hour and a half boring the heck out of Donald. *heck, he wanted to follow* The thing I'm realizing is that it explains alot of the why and alot of the various stages of human life, but does little to actually solve the given situations that one encounters. For that, I think the bible is more accurate. Ofcourse that's just my assessment. Anyways, after reading all that, I felt smart. LOL. I felt I knew what was going on, though not how to solve anything. Like right now, I feel sad about my grandma. THat has triggered other depressing issues I had tucked away neatly for a good while now. I know exactly what psychology has to say about all that, thing is, doesn't give good advice. No wonder people don't generally go to them. For real advice, the book isn't the place to go.
Moving on, today at work I was SO tired. Felt very upset. One of the cashiers noticed and asked me what was wrong. I used the usual "i'm just tired" line on them. That line works like a charm. Whether on the phone or in person. ANyways, she went on with what she was doing and I continued to just pace around the leather shop thinking about various things.
One of the things I thought about was the fact that Michelle was thinking of moving here with me. *I know what you who know me are thinking, SO SOON* Well, the thing is, she hates dorm life. She also doesn't want to go back home to end up at a community college. Her parents would so disown her. *yup, thier like that* So she wants to come up here, or so i think. She has asked me what I want, she really wanted to know, and I told her, I'd rather have her here sooner than later. She decided after awhile that because she truly loves me that she's gonna come up here. Thing is, she had stated ealier she didn't want to be put in a "situation" She doesn't want to end up dependant on me. She feels like she couldn't say and do what she wanted.
Well, fastforward to last night. She gave me hints about wanting to go back home. She may've not seen them as such, but I know her. I think she is really indecisive about either choice because of the possibility for failure. So, I think she asked me what she wanted as a way to avoid blaming herself. In other words, make me the scapegoat. So right now I'm really thinking what do I want to happen. I mean, I know there is a part of her that wants to be back with her old friends and her little sister. *maybe a tiny part wanting to be with family, MAYBE* So I'm mainly thinking about, do I just continue with the "come up here" idea. DO I tell her to go with the "get independant first" idea. Or do go with the long shot of having her say at her current university. Its tough because I do want her up here. Thing is, I want her to come up here not because I want it but because its what she REALLY wants to and is willing to accept responsiblity for whatever happens.
Wow, what a nice lil fork in the road in both our lives right now. Its like, do we put all the money on the big gamble or do we play it safe and just keep what we have. I also wonder, if I play it safe, will I miss out on potentially the biggest jackpot of all? I mean, in 2 years, I don't still see myself doing this online chatting and long distance phone calls. So in a way, its like what to do.
You may be wondering, why not just wait 2 years, that is nothing. Thing is, I dunno if I have that much patience. The reason, it's too intense to just be online and phone friends. WIth that, i'm ending the entry because I'm very tired, though I doubt the end of the night for me as I still will probaly end up discussing the entry. Anyways, that is all for this edition of tinoz thinking aloud. ~END~