I have decided to make you so I can finally air out my feelings and my thoughts. This has came as a result of me being up to late and realizing that I need to let it out somewhere.

Now here is some background, because to relize where I coming from you must understand where i've been. I am a 19 year old Seventh-day Adventist. *yes, they are a christian church* Not cause my parents were, but because I researched other religons and found them to be inconsistant. Well, maybe I shouldn't use the word parents cause I only have my mom. Since I was 7, we moved *read hid* from my cracked out dad. Since then, we moved to a semi-small city. There me, my brother and mom were free to do what we wanted. SInce he was controlling and mean. For example, he was say come here, give daddy a hug, then punch me in the stomach. He also said that we weren't going out till age 18. Well anyways,in this small city I met my best friend. *Ray* He is also a seventh day adventist. In this small city, I had to essentally raise myself, cause my mom would party all day. Even though I do have to admit that I loved the freedom. My brother Ricky hung out with all the hard core people. He thought he was cool. My brother by the way is 3 years older than me. Later in '88 my mom decided to move in my grandma cause she too was in an abusive relationship. In '89, my mom had my sister, Vanessa. Vanessa was raised by my grandma (Emma), which is kinda good cause she learned English and Spanish. Well to sum it up cause it's really late, My brother grew up having a kid at 13, the girl 12. This led him to be a womanizer, which he still is. My mom, now an alcholic, is working only for the 3rd straight year, cause we were raised on welfare. My grandma is now a mean, hateful person. Oh, forgot my lil bro, Alex he is currently 8. Not to mention me, the staple to this family. I've been the one trying to carry this family. ALso trying to be the peace maker, always helping. Even though I have my bad side. Like i'm spoiled when it comes to food, and I'm starting to get ticked off more often, faster.

Now let's bring it up to speed. Right now, I'm unemployed after being layed off. I'm getting to stay home cause I had a tumor on my brain. On my pituitary gland. It was stopping my hormones. The surgery was 8 hours long. I'm kinda happy its out, cause I was not aging right, I still look 13. I also have a shape of a kid body cause the testostorone was blocked. Also, toward the end, I was getting severe headaches and eyes got worse. I hate looking like a damn kid, cause the girls i like think i'm too young for them. Hopefully with the testostorone treatment and growth hormone I'll look older.

Now, my brother. He is currently is huge debt thanks to dui tickets and stuff. He likes to blame my mom, GOD, me, his lifestyle and everything else as his excuse. He also doesn't believe in GOD, cause he says, "Why doesn't God make it all better?" I tell him if he controlled us, we'd be his robots, not humans.

My mom is currenty a janitor. She is finally trying. She and me are very strict when it comes to my lil bro and sis. She also is finally searching for GOD. Even though she has always been a Catholic, she never went, or followed. She treats me nice cause i'm nice, and the fact that she stole over 5k from a trust I had. And since she knows she'll never be able to pay it back, she spoils me. I feel bad until I think how differnet my life would be. I had that money from an inheritance, that is how I got this computer. We are still poor. We live in a house with no bathtub, just shower. 4 beds, 6 people. Roaches and mouses. MOld and older clothes. NO car. Yes, life sucks. But this has made me very humble. I appreciate when anyone does anything for me cause i realize that they don't have to. Sometimes I pray that we just all follow GOD, cause if we don't have it down here, maybe we'll have it up there. Plus, God makes people better. By that I mean nicer, humbler, and just plain happy. We'll, it's 5 in the morning. I'm off.
Oh, P.S. leave comments, would love to hear from ya! .