She is attractive. There is no question in my mind about this. Modeling attractive? If she got some plastic surgery with the frontal area and toned down her waist, maybe. Atleast she is realistic in that she knows she's not SUPER hot. This has excited her the last few days. She is now motivated to go to the gym and work out a bit and get a boob job. She has been wanting one even before this whole modeling thing popped into her head.

This is an odd situation for me. I mean, my inital reaction to this is What?! Morally, this goes against what women should do with thier bodies. Even though I haven't been following God all that much, doesn't mean I don't have those beliefs there. Plus, I just never thought I'd be with someone who wants to show off thier body like that. You know.....that's for superficial people and I've never been into them. Yet, I feel obligated to support her in something that makes her feel happy. It isn't like she got other hobbies or passions. Wish she did but she really doesn't.

I do understand why though. I think. I think that somewhere along the female socialization process, there is a strong message to be pretty and show it off. Especially in this soceity. While many females would and do say officially that looks don't matter, most try to diet or shy away from other things in thier lives because they feel physically inadequate. Eventually it seems that they start to hate other females that show off anything when infact if they could, many probaly would. *my lil sister was sorta like this* Ofcourse, with any line of belief, there are those that don't follow it and really do not want to show it off or whatever. Its sad though because I do think that female objectification is a vicious circle and thus has affected Michelle.

So then, knowing what I think I know, I support Michelle and want to be understanding, just I'm not 100% happy about it. I worry about inflated ego. I worry about the growing need to focus on looks. I worry about the eventual downfall that happens to those that do focus on looks. Everyone ages, but those that do but a high value on looks then to be depressed later in life.

Michelle isn't big headed about herself though. Not yet. That's what may come though. Or, the opposite. What if, despite what I think, they *whoever looks at modeling crap* thinks she's not hot. Then the whole, I'm not that attractive slippery slope. Ofcourse, she isn't trying to compete against playboy or anything in that league, she just wants to try out to be one of those asian girls on those asian car magazines. Even them, they aren't that top notch compared to what's on TV.

As you probaly have just read, its a tough position for me. If I'm not supportive, I'm an asshole. If I do, I go against myself. I mean, even if I told her that she couldn't do it, its not like she would just listen. That's not her. She'd be upset. Maybe not do it. Though that would just create more arguments for me. Atleast she isn't trying to rely on this as a career. Atleast she is still doing college and looking for a regular job. It could possibly be a phase but with the amount of excitement she has about this, it doesn't seem like she's going to just stop now.