Things have gotten slightly better from last entry. I comfronted Michelle and asked if she REALLY REALLY wanted to leave me. She said that she wanted me to change and be more romantic. I know that is my fault. Though sociologicalically speaking, since things are equal, why do I always have to initiate romance? Still, I'm not a romantic type person. I could have a great conversation with you. I could make you laugh. I just believe that romance is a method of manipulation and falsehood. I do these supposed loving actions by buying stuff so you will like me. Its not like I'm totally unromantic. I have done some stuff. Its just it isn't often enough for her. Plus she wants us to be more steady finacially.

I still feel angry and sad about life in general though. I know I have great potential for spirituality but then I get lazy and don't do it. I know I can rise above the anger and sadness and live in the moment, be totally aware, loving *of myself and others* and be an inspiration. Its so there I could almost taste it. I have generally stopped the inner critic from attacking myself, but seems that we're in union of critizing others. I am consious of not saying it aloud, but it still happens within. Its a constant battle. On the good side, I think I'm getting away from the concept of needing constant approval of others. Well, I got to go but I definately am not done for today.