lost an entire entry. not sure how. may have deleted it somehow.
so it goes...
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i am incredibly naive...even at this age. i trust. i give the benefit of the doubt. i try. i care. i'm mindful. and all this gets is a consistent steamroller - over me. how does the rest of the world cope with working in an environment that is, at times, devoid of civility?
things coworkers have said to me throughout my short career as a librarian:
"i should get paid more than you because i work harder" (said several times over the few months i was at that branch)
"i am here from 9 to 5 to collect my paycheck and go home" - said by a 27yr veteran
"you care too much"
"you need to start using children's supplies for your adult programs"
"you need to fall in line like the rest of us"
i am ready to retire from the workplace. i am fed up with being taken advantage of (i have no control over my own scheduling). i've bought most likely $1000 worth of arts/crafts supplies because adult depts receive no funding. you ask why do i buy supplies? how do i run programs (a requirement) with no supplies or funding? it's a well kept secret that adult librarians are in the same boat as public school teachers. they buy, out of pocket, most of the supplies they need.
8 years. i'll be out. done with all the bullshit workplaces, full of bullshit employees. (there are some good ones but not enough of them)
i've been fighting my entire life (even as a child) to not be in this world. i've never felt that i belong here. it is fact. what has helped me hold on: music, art, travel, animals, plants, books. but i've always known - i don't belong here. my mantra has always been "i just want to go home"...