i have to wonder how meaningful it is to buy a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette, read about bomb shelters, learn to play again...
is this my time? is it up yet? will i have babies, before they shower me with bad air?
will i ever wear a white gown, or at least dress up? will i get to see the grandchildren take their first bicycle ride??
has the little silver ball found it's compartment in the spinning wheel? did it settle at 36? because that is me...
i am alive today and it angers me that i'm bothered with shallow complaints, 'bout a missing issue or a paper section being hung upside down...
i'm tired of taking the train, tired of studying, tired of all the foolish tantrums, tired of waiting around...
i want to see everything now, want to fit in sleeping under the stars. i want to bang on a drum kit, want to play with the band, want to hang on 42nd street, slip in to a peepshow, i want to masturbate out loud...
i want to visit the whales in the sea, want to swim with the dolphins, bake on a white sand beach. want to pet a tiger, shakes hands with the chimps, apologize for our bad behavior, hope we try harder next time...want to smell a red rose, and leave it still intact, want to gather fresia, wear them in my hair...i'll power on the turn table and blast love me do, julia, and beautiful boy...sweeten it up with brown sugar, and moonlight mile, float away with space oddity (italian style), find daniel day lewis and kiss that handsome face, borrow gwyneth's pink fuzzy sweater, wear 5 inch spiked heels...
i've hated life sometimes. sometimes i've hated myself. now it's all changed...
tomorrow it'll be different for sure...