all my fault. lazy, no discipline. i let the stress of work and personal life drive me to eating myself to comfort. and it's a viscious cycle, i get a little depressed at all the changes of my body and so i eat crap....you name it: bread, bagels, mike & ikes, twizzlers, icecream, burritos (store bought). i actually feel a withdrawal when i stop eating bread or drinking coffee (and i only have a cup a day)...
i'll be older in a few short days and i have to say, i've been reckless with my health. the poor diet contributes to the bad monthly cramps which feeds the want of OTC pms meds every 4 hours. i am fatigued. i opt to sleep instead of hitting the gym. i opt for that ice cream sandwich, and let the head of romaine rot in the refrigerator draw...
i have to change. i just have to.
i've already changed my stress level at work. so much ridiculousness that i'm actually used to doing without or on my own now. i can handle it, and if i can't (because we're short staffed) i don't beat myself up anymore. i'm not a robot. i've given myself permission to be kind to myself, because at the end of the day i know that i am dependable, hardworking and caring.
funny how impossible situations bring out my calm side.
what i need to work on is the fatigue. working overnights is tough. there is no way around not being tired because this shift is unnatural. hopefully, more help at work will remedy this.
i have to cut computer time down to a normal and reasonable time spent. too much...time on this damned thing. 3 hours is alot. 4 hours is ridiculous. missing an entire day is seriously insane. so, first things first:
i need to say:
fuck facebook
fuck email
fuck reading the news online
next: need to get back to cooking meals. tired of telling myself, "i used to..." when i still can. so, must vow to cook myself at least 2 meals a day.
cut the sugar down to occassional as opposed to daily.
with exercise, i need to commit to at least 30 minutes a day. 30 minutes is nothing. 30 minutes is writing this. 30 doesn't seem so daunting as 1-2 hours (what i would normally spend at the gym). separate body parts (legs one day, upper body another day, cardio another day).
sleep. i need to get sound sleep. no more iPod in the bed.
~~~
and then, i have to accept that i am getting older and my body is going to change on the inside and on the outside.
life goes on...
ciao!