it's been a while. but nowhere else can i be as free as i am here. here is where it started and ended, and in between breaking rocks and getting mowed over, i have found myself. looking at rocks. mountains unwilling to move, and poor God sometimes cries over this, he must. but he's got Mary to wipe those tears, and angels swooping through the heavens throwing him smiles with a touch of sister moon's love dust, mother sun's gold rays...

the road to hell is paved with good intentions, i know, my little markers are at the edges carefully placed, perfectly smoothe, a good job all gone to waste, because after all, who wants to go to hell? who'll admire how easy that path is to walk on? when they're too busy trying to extinguish their fiery hard hearts...

i'm simple. i'm complex. i want the party hat with the big frou-frou, but i want the corner to retreat to when it all goes bad...i am silly. i take it all too hard. i want to see the little yes like john through the magnifying glass, but it's the walk up the tall ladder that presses me back...i am a good girl. i am evil to the core. i want the joy of motherhood, but my loins will take whatever they get...

could i cut myself in two. and see what makes me up. will i see the pit of snakes? or blocks of coal waiting for the work...ready to show underneath their black dress...

i want the love of a good man.
i want the love of a child.
i want the love of mr. God.
i want the love of myself.