lost like some forgotten dreams
seems that all i really was doing
was waiting for you...
lennon
when i was a junior in high school and dating for the first time, my then boyfriend, after a few months, threw out that four letter word L*O*V*E*. when he said it, i politely asked why. then i asked him to write it down. he proceeded to hand in a typewritten essay on why he loved me.
i guess i've always been a skeptic, even though i'm a huge fan...i never quite believe them. i've been thinking about this today...why don't i believe them. deep down in my gut, most times i've heard this four letter word, it was a little off. was it my up-bringing? maybe i didn't believe it because deep down i knew it wasn't honest, it wasn't sincere, it wasn't true.
there was only one man that i believed. it was a long long time ago...and he's more than ten years gone.
you really don't know what you have until it's gone. in this case we walked away from eachother. but i still think about him, still miss him. and now, i understand what love really is. it's not half-assed. it's all or nothing. he was right way back then when he said, "we met too soon". too young, not enough life lived. i just have to wonder, after all of these years, did time really make a difference? would i be where i am now? would he be where he is?
it's getting late. it's friday night. i've slept lots today. the work week was tough and long. i'm on a quest for music...tomorrow i go to acquire some. radiohead's In Rainbows may be on the list.
as i've said many many times...music is the salve. savior. salvation. it carries me when i'm too fucken tired to walk or think.