roll.
take the high road, keep it so that you can sleep at night, look yourself in the mirror, know that you're on the up and up...but really...does it even matter? is there a reward for all of your goodness, your fairness, your furious rowing as the boat slowly goes down?
who really cares? who is keeping score? in this day and age, it's take yours and run. and it's all wearing me down, all of this trying with no results. give me something. give me something to hold on to. something to trust...to believe. or is it that i have to conjure something...anything out of thin air? is that what it takes?
"remember what they say,
there's no shortcut to a dream, it's all blood and sweat and life is what you manage in between..."
broken bells
your best bet:
-that someone who smashes into your car with their car door and leaves a few nice dents will NOT leave a message and a phone number
-that someone who pulls into a parking spot along side you so close it prevents you from getting out of your car will only say, "what do you want me to do?" at which point you mutter expletives and drive off ditching your grocery run
-that you won't be going to the holiday party, that you will be covering someone else's vacation which causes you to miss a race you've run for the past 4 years, that you will work two major holidays when the newbies get to go to the party...go on vacation...and work only one holiday.
i am done being human. i need to be a robot. to not care. to not give a shit. to grab even when i don't need just so that i don't get left with nothing. i am so fucken disappointed at life. at how the biting untrained dogs live a long life, while the sweet furry souls die too soon. i can understand that life isn't always fair. i get that. but when the fuck does it even things out? balance. that's all i want. is balance. you take all of this, but give me one of that.
-also didn't make the lottery to run the Manhattan Half Marathon, so i guess i'll cross that off the list as well. very disappointed.
~~~
currently listening to and living in "Broken Bells" a superb album, there isn't a bad track. a true gem. the band, also called Broken Bells consists of James Mercer (lead vocal of the Shins) and Brian Burton (Danger Mouse) who has worked with Gnarls Barkley and Gorrilaz.
music...my drug of choice...it is pure goodness and beauty. and it never screws me or disappoints me