i keep looking but there's nothing there. a sort of dull emptiness. but i still enjoy a beautiful day.
have i lost touch? is it that i don't care? even favorite music doesn't push this pen. i've got dots and dashes and nothing else...

tests and more tests, spring break and hawaiian shirts. i see ads in the paper with planes and black and white blue skies, i see smiles and dark skin, drinks in each hand...

i've fried to nothing...it's all in the air now. i can not put a running shoe on, can't lift a 10 lb barbell...open bank statements in my mailbox, undelivered packages, chasing UPS 4 days now...winter scuffed boots, worn down heels, favorite sweaters aging, pills everywhere...

way high blood sugar, poor eating habits...sucking up my marrow, hollow everywhere. an indifferent face and habit, doesn't mean it didn't hurt. six months of numbness, six months of denial, poof went last month...like blackholes ripping stars apart.

stop.

i don't know where i'm going now. but somehow i never really did. don't aspire to earn big bucks. don't want want and want. being who i am is all, not some puppet's song...