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franny
bananafish

.
Thu Feb 19 2004

i keep looking but there's nothing there. a sort of dull emptiness. but i still enjoy a beautiful day.
have i lost touch? is it that i don't care? even favorite music doesn't push this pen. i've got dots and dashes and nothing else...

tests and more tests, spring break and hawaiian shirts. i see ads in the paper with planes and black and white blue skies, i see smiles and dark skin, drinks in each hand...

i've fried to nothing...it's all in the air now. i can not put a running shoe on, can't lift a 10 lb barbell...open bank statements in my mailbox, undelivered packages, chasing UPS 4 days now...winter scuffed boots, worn down heels, favorite sweaters aging, pills everywhere...

way high blood sugar, poor eating habits...sucking up my marrow, hollow everywhere. an indifferent face and habit, doesn't mean it didn't hurt. six months of numbness, six months of denial, poof went last month...like blackholes ripping stars apart.

stop.

i don't know where i'm going now. but somehow i never really did. don't aspire to earn big bucks. don't want want and want. being who i am is all, not some puppet's song...

11 Comments
  • From:
    Salamander (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    What flavor jellybeans?

    Orange would work. Licorice wouldn't.
  • From:
    Franny (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    fruity flavored, i don't really like the spicy kind. i love Easter!!! the best candy...i spotted Cadbury Creme eggs...my favorite!
  • From:
    Lilith (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    Can Easter be too far behind?

    *hides Cadbury eggs in f's room*

    I'm keeping the caramel eggs =)
  • From:
    Franny (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    okay deal! ;-)
  • From:
    Salamander (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    Well, you may not know where you're going, but in the end it isn't important. What's important is the journey, not the destination.

    I want some carmel eggs too.
  • From:
    Lilith (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    You are in dire need of some spring.

    I would send you the wooing Mockingbirds in my pepper tree if I could.
  • From:
    Sezrah (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    don't worry, i had the dinner of champions last night (white chocolate)

    sez
  • From:
    Franny (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    OMG! Ms. Sezrah! yeow, that hurt!
    i'll take one of those veggie tamales too!
    you know Salamander, i keep forgetting that lesson. i'm glad you're around to knock me in the head when i need it. thank you. :-)
  • From:
    Moonman (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    Jellybeans and coffee! When i worked downtown, i often had hot chocolate (w/ the works) and a cream cheese muffin for breakfast (or a slice of cheesecake).

    Hey, as long my skinny little ass can take it...

    ; )
  • From:
    Moonman (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    "From: franny
    [PRIVATE COMMENT]
    i love your balls...er..ball buttons."

    Yeah... i get that a lot.
    ; )
  • From:
    Miraclewhip (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Feb 19 2004
    Donuts? Somebody call the hi-carb cops!
    Don't forget how hard you're working out, though.
    All that effort deserves a sweet reward once in awhile.