i know that complaining about not having heat/hot water is NO match for the above trouble... some would smirk at my falling apart over a dying pet cat, some have even answered with a "she's lived a long life" when i explain my Mom has a brain aneurysm...
but, these are the trials and tribulations given to me by the powers that be. and yes, IT Matters that Mom has a timebomb in her head, or that my absolute best friend wears an orange fur coat and cries when i have to give her that seventh pill...or that in addition to no heat/hot water, my bathroom ceiling is falling down, the neighbor upstairs wakes me with his excessive noisy screaming and cursing after a brutal 12 hour overnight shift caring for dying pets and i end up going for the second 12 hour overnight shift tired, cranky, and dull... unprepared to care for more dying pets. it matters that some of my sibling's lives are falling apart. some problems even involve lawyers. it is a great strain on me to watch them suffer while unable to do much but be an ear, a shoulder, a hug.
so, yesterday, i let all the junk free. i cried it out. because there's too much all at once. because the comfort i find in the simple warmth of a hot shower was taken from me. that one simple remedy...not a bottle of booze, a shot of drugs in my arm, or pills in my mouth, or a one night stand, ... a hot comforting shower is all i wanted...is all i needed to feel just a little better about life, about people... well, you get my drift. i'll stop here.
in addition to the letting go, i got tired of having to deal with really crappy cheap furniture. my dresser has been falling apart for years now and still, i repair it, and continue to use it. i have extremely limited storage space here...only one small closet and a rack that hangs off of my bedroom wall. so, i repaired the dresser once again and weeded out 2 large bags of clothes i don't use. out to the garbage. one bag weeded from the closet will go to the salvation army....even weeded out shoes. did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the bedroom and stored everything away (with room and hangers to spare).
i don't ask for much. don't want a million dollars, a fancy car, expensive clothes, state of the art electronics... i'm okay using and re-using, i'm okay buying generic brands, i limit spending by visiting my local library every week... i only ask for the comfort of a hot shower, peace and quiet while i sleep, more time to spend with my cat, and for my family to be okay.
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