feeling. wanting. i am just killing time. the days blend into months into years and the only thing that generates any difference is music. what am i listening to now? who am i now? the iPod is full of somber. colored a little sad. and it makes no difference, i just ride the wave like a pro now...
i've seen so much death. i've watched as the small flicker of life goes out of sweet brown eyes. we go through the motions and then clean up and move on. and it's cold. it's hard to be this way. my heart is part rubber now. 5 years in the making. of cold hard rubber. that has just stopped. feeling everything...
i thought dance would help. i thought the gym would too. i know the wine just amplifies it until it drives me to sleep. and time? means nothing to me anymore. friends? they mean nothing to me. family? i just can't care...
maybe it's to cushion myself from the inevitable.
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currently listening to:
Separater - from new Radiohead King of Limbs (they can't be bad if they tried)
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have a doc appt today in lower manhattan. maybe i'll do something in the city. people watch. window shop. visit a book store. maybe The Strand...
if you think this is over you're wrong..."
radiohead