franny
bananafish

for being a real rag lately. i've been sad and angry about things that have happened at work and i really should just make those entries private and spare you all. the bottom line is that my boss and the big boss said things that really hurt me because i know they were not true. the worst part is that they know none of it was true but went ahead and said them to me anyway just to bully me into not making waves. i may not have agreed with things they've done and said in the past, but i held respect for them, until now.
i've resorted to smoking again because i'm stressed out. today, it really kicked my ass and made me nauseous after my run. so, i gathered the stash from the closet and took a scissor to every last cigarette. enough is enough. and it's an incredibly stupid thing to do when you're marathon training. i mean, how freakin' dumb can i get to undo all the good i've done to my heart and lungs?

of course the nausea was also caused by the Menstrual Period making its big entrance. the good news is that hopefully, i stay on this schedule for the big race in Nov. the bad news is that i'll be PMS'ing up until and through the big race in Nov.

i didn't have pizza, a hot bath, or even run the full 4 miles (3 and 1/2 because i was nauseous) today. i got home and pretty much crashed for a little over 3 hours. sleep, rest is more important at this point. after the run i ate an apple and had some water. then, it's off to bed again.

i see the doc next week. i'm hoping she can help me deal with this depression/sadness i've been carrying for years. it's gotten a lot worse the past 5 years.

i want to say thank you dear readers...all 3 of you. you have no idea how your words have held me up and carried me through some rough times. some of the best examples of humanity. all different and all good.

good night, sleep tight, hold the kitkats just right!
:-)
this is franny
over and out.