and in a restaurant with banana republic clad people, capri pants and overpriced sunglasses, i felt out of place...i wore my most favorite shirt, made of blue indian cotton gauze with a heart embroidered on the back...it had a rip on the side and i tend to leave things the way they become, if i lose something, i figure, someone else needed it more...
table topic is obvious, my sis get teary eyed when she speaks...of the messages left on answering machines, "tell mom i love her, and i'm sorry i ever did anything to upset you sis..."
i've been meaning to have a good hard cry, one where i feel rinsed inside, when i can't think of anything...my mind goes blank my head a big ball of emotion, the heat rising to my skin..
and it came yesterday evening, when a tower worker spoke about he and his partner. how he placed him in the kennel and went running upstairs. he came running back down and ran into firemen, and 104 floors ran into all of them...
and they were still alive, one head trauma and passing the cell phone around..."honey, they've all got families too, i've got to go, i love you..."
was it 8 or 9 hours when the most beautiful hands moved rock and metal beams? when they reached the small group huddled, in dust and heavy sad air? they pledged to have a beer when it was all done, one recovering at home instead of a hospital bed...
and poor beautiful Cisco, yellow lab always ready to work...i cried like a baby and i don't really know why...but the image of fearful eyes staring at a ceiling closing in, locked in a kennel, i'm sure that little hero, is God's little guide dog, for all those souls trying to get home...