going into this school season so burned out, don't quite know how i'll make it. i've decided to take the summer 2002 off. i can't push myself anymore. i forget how to spell these days, i forget what good grammar is...

i'm walking heavy these days, still in a funk. sometimes i catch myself getting teary-eyed for no damned reason at all. is it the change? at 36?
i guess i'm mourning the children that i know i'll never have, the dream life of belonging in a big victorian house, visions of me picking up wet towels and sweat socks...isn't the grass always greener on the other side?

i feel older this year somehow. i'm ready to rest, ready to let this tight hold on the life line ease up a little. i can smile as rope burns my hands, it's all alright, i always go back to fine.

it was a hard year. physically and mentally. and although every inch of my time was taken up, i felt so empty and dull inside. and it hasn't changed. nothing.

why am i here? i don't know. maybe it's comforting to know that someone is reading about me. i guess it's worth it to get up in the morning, to crack a smile...i've left my silly history, on your wonderful brain lobes...

my stash of moondust and pixie devilish smiles is depleted. and it's always blue sunday when all the stores are closed...