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yesterday was an extremely emotionally awful day. today? i feel numb.
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i received a call today from the dept head at school. she's doing her best to find out about scholarships and that grant money i was originally awarded...i mailed the letter of financial aid awards to her. even if nothing pans out, just the plain simple fact that she returned a phone call made me extremely grateful. i don't think people understand how blowing someone off or passing the buck can have a really bad effect on a person, especially when other things are also going wrong...it's just one more negative thing that has to be dealt with.
my family is helping too. once i get an idea of what (if at all) i have to work with, a family member will take a loan out and i'll pay the loan off. i'm just not eligible because i don't bring in enough. as it is, i've applied for loan consolidation and a forebearance. they've agreed to lower my monthly payments for the school loans, and to get a little bit more of a discount, they take it directly from my account.
sis and Mom have been there but it's getting difficult to rely on them (emotionally). i just don't want to talk anymore.
faxed a resume this morning, got into work early to use the fax machine without having nosy co-workers around, unfortunately, one of the jerks was around and watching. he actually looked at the clock as i walked in... i faxed it anyway. i don't care who knows or who talks anymore. i'm sure he tattled to my supervisor and other nosy co-worker. it's gotten to the point that i avoid my supervisor, the two-co-workers, and the director. this isn't normal. but this is the only way i will survive there at this point.
tonight i will get to bed early. i'm tired and drained. not sure what's going to happen next. i need out of there and i need another job, even if it's not at an animal hospital...
i've lost confidence in people with management positions. they get paid more and do less. they nickel and dime those of us who have to punch in and out, and take 20 minute breaks here and there to gossip with their buddies. i'm disgusted and depressed about all of this. makes me wonder what is it about me that makes the people i work with behave the way that they do towards me.