franny
bananafish

armed with a tall glass of water and not much to say. the words are swimming in passionate notes but they keep going round and round and never let me pin them down. there's a little bit of everything. that's always the case at the ending of another year. it's the grand U2-esque ballad, this year ending moment. full of hope and dread...

and you just have to love it a little, that hope. that fragile little flower holding on to what little bit of dirt hasn't washed away. that handful of small change thrown into the red kettle during tight times. and smiling child eyes when you say, c'mon, let's draw...

i hate it. i love it. i'm tired of it. i want it bad. i need it. i want it to go away. i want it to last forever...

and then there's the dread. just tune into the news. watch the horror...reality-check tv. brings the tears and prayers. the guilt it's not you or yours. shows the ugly of still not being satisfied with all that you have. you say you need more, but really, it's that you want more. and they want you to want more, buy more, sell more, shop more, spend more, scam more, use more, waste more etc. etc. etc. tune out...

did you know i miss you? or that i care? i keep it quiet and still because it's easier that way and it always hurts less.

i want to trip inside your head
spend the day there
to hear the things you haven't said
and see the things that you might see

somehow, that little delicate flower, whether it takes the shape of hope in a child's eye, the smile of a grandmother surrounded by all of her children and grandchildren, or a face-lick from a trusty furry friend... those are Love's atomic bombs...God's way of evening things out.

where am i today?
i'm right here.
right here.