physically, well, i still need to see a doc. but, i am trying to get enough sleep in order to feel rested enough to get to the gym. also working on the will power and discipline. i used to be very disciplined...needed little to motivate me to get active. now, i have to work on it. really! work on it...
yesterday, after only 3 hours sleep, i got myself up and to the laudromat with 4 loads. that was freakin' hard...got it done, home, made dinner, tuned into Bones (because i still need my fix of Angel, even when the show has nothing remotely to do with vampires or Buffy) and promptly fell asleep on the couch for about 2 1/2 hours. so in reality, i got about 5 1/2 hours sleep. i'll be heading to sleep shortly this am so that i can be rested enough for the pm->am work hours...
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still dreaming about an old ex-boyfriend. not sure why. why in the heck is this man still popping up in my dreams? it's been at least 15-20 years since i last saw or spoke to him. the last time i had clusters of dreams with him in them, my sis called to tell me he had a death in the family... perhaps there is something going on with him? it's not like i purposefully go to bed wanting to dream about him. sure, i still believe that he was my soulmate. sure, i still believe that it might have worked had we been older. but i've never taken any sort of steps to contact him. and i never will...
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the daylight comes so fast. one moment, i'm sitting still in the dark and the next, the light begins to peek through the blinds in my livingroom and i find myself in another day. i need to sleep, but i find myself avoiding it. avoiding it because you might be there. and i'm tired. but i'll get the rest needed. find my way to another work day shift...just like the many others who do the same. i'll feel the little bit of wonder why you come and go, forget, and think about something else.
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it's 7:43am.
it's more than 10 years gone.