as soon as 20 turns to 21. somehow it's always a clean slate i'm stepping into. the last 3 years have been the worst in my life.

i'm still here even though i tried really hard to not be.

and i'm tired. of the non-stop. i want stillness. quiet. smoke free air. a clutter free apartment...

for mom not to leave.

i want rest. calm. sound sleep and for the cat to beat the kidney disease.

life turns to death in a moment. one breath. eye open, then dark. i live this every day.

i want peace.

a long sleepy afternoon filled with nothing but breathing.