it is the utter obliviousness to the space around your big head and all of the gadgets you juggle to placate the whiny child in you...
and the masses walk, knife in hand, with one protruding out the back, reflecting fake smiles, plastic compliments, and underhandedness...
~~~
then...
a homeless man walks onto the train asking for money...and noone looks him in the eye. noone can spare cash. noone gives him anything. i find myself a part of that group...
and this doesn't matter to him. he says, "don't be sorry, stay as beautiful as you are". and even if he was as fake as the rest of us are. even if he too partakes in the rat race, the self-centeredness, i realize, as i get off at my stop...
i go looking for him. i find him in the last car. i hand him an embarrassing sum of change i scrounged from my knapsack. i hand it to him and tell him,
"you were the only nice person to me today, thank you" and this makes him smile.
off i go, up the stairs, into the night full of rain feeling just a little bit lighter...