franny
bananafish

sometimes you just can't help but say "could have..." sometimes that's the only place left to go. you stop the fat man, cash in your chips and move along...and sometimes the walls closing in are really a sign to get the hell out. sometimes the heart palpitations, the sleepless nights, the sudden bursts of crying are all signs dear sweetie to just fucken go...

and you always knew that it's all one sad little circle with hints of short joys and bliss. like that time in the office when you were truly happy to be here and now, and how he crushed that with his request for the return of his pink starched shirt...

we all know what we are capable of. we know how to hurt. how to cause serious pain. we know how to jam that pointy elbow in the ribs. how to crush a gentle soul to black. turn the coin and we can heal with a smile, cause burst of joyful tears at a silly hand holding a bunch of brilliant flowers...we know how to get the flames going to fuel quiet love...

and yet.
because.

it never really matters how hard we try either way. the pieces fall where they are supposed to. and you know you had nothing to do with it.