so little f has had some setbacks... a severe drop in white blood cells, needing a very expensive injectable drug and it bounced back.. another drop in WBCs and the doc had initially thought it was due to the chemo but now feels it is due to the progression of the cancer.

I will wait for her to let me know in her cat way that she is tired. but for right now, she's eating, drinking, peeing and pooing normal.

it will truly break me letting her go.

it's been a terrible 2025 and the new year is equally, if not more, crappy.

miss kitty getting diagnosed with cancer Thanksgiving week, influenza A during Christmas week for me, a break for new years week but I was scheduled to work that weekend, and then the beginning of the New Year - leaving work in pain and heading straight to urgent care via bus (my bp was 186/116 and I was vomiting) I received nausea and pain meds at urgent care but the pain meds only lasted about 2 hours, going for my first ride in an ambulance from urgent care to the big hospital ER with over 100 people waiting to be seen and a 12 hour wait filled with pain leading an IV catheter placed to administer injectable acetominophen - which actually worked really well...culminating in a CT scan with/without contrast. Kidney stones. one was in the ureter...

discharged in the morning and took the bus home.

I got home and couldn't go to work cause I'd been up all night in ER.

the day was okay, basically pain free. made plans for going to work. get up the next morning in pain. can't go to work. tried to take a car service to the nearest ER...most use cash apps which I don't use. had to get out of the car and call another service...who took cash. got to ER - in pain, less people waiting but it was still a wait. after about 6 hours, was taken for another CT without contrast. they put an IV and started fluids and did blood work. two doses of morphine were no match for the fucken pain that kidney stone was causing. the doc spoke to me about a procedure to lesson the pain and help the stone pass. I called my insusrance and they said as long it was through ER it would be covered because these docs were not in network. the plan was to transfer me to another campus where they had the equipment to do the procedure. the nurse gave me a gown and gave me a bed in a small room near the ER station. I'd gotten antibios and 2 liters of fluids. got up to go to the bathroom and lo and behold that little fucker came out. I will say I did put my hand in the toilet to grab that fucking stone - because I knew they'd do a stone analysis.

you do what you have to.

washed my hands well and then used hand sanitizer. I let the nurse know but they would still transfer me since I had more that one stone and they were larger than the one that passed.

second ride in an ambulance. those guys were so so nice. in fact, everyone in both ERs including docs, nurses, technicians...patient and nice. the public needs to treat these folks better.

they ended up discharging me in the morning.

I took the subway home.

my bro had to have back surgery and then shortly after needed his gall bladder removed (around the same time my kidneys ere menacing me).

just found out my other brother needs open heart surgery to repair a leaky valve.

but we are all surviving and getting through...

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and then there is this fucking government.... giving free license for racist pieces of shit to shoot and kill protesters and also their favorites (brown and black people). they insult the UK nations by belittling their soldiers. it's shameful and I'm not embarrassed - I'm angry. angry at the absolute terror that this government is pouring on the people of this country - Minnesota is getting hammered. and I can't understand why the governor waited to deploy the state's national guard until now. WTF??!!

anyone, and I mean I don't give a rat's ass if you are my brother or sister...anyone still supporting this absolute bullshit - you are dead to me. that includes readers of my diary.

go the fuck away if you support this pedophile, child trafficker and quite possibly murderer, rapist, misogynist, low IQ, sadistic fuck sitting in the Whitehouse.

I am rooting for that little clot that's living in his body to move to a lung, heart or what little brain he has left. may it happen slowly and with the pain of childbirth times 1000 to set right all of the pain he has caused to the women and children he has violated and terrorized. may the grave be unmarked and in a place with no nature just dirt... where all of nature will relieve itself.

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