and it hurts just a little. living in a perpetual car crash. the dents don't change, your feet know where all of the glass lies...
you eat. you drink. you wash out the kitchen sink. you watch a little tv. crack open a brave new world. and wait for the stretcher to get here, and take away your ailing heart...
but they don't come. you're left with a 3cc syringe, a bottle of epinephrine, and an entire U2 album of fucken sad ass songs.
so you swim in those dark colors that take you to places you're too familiar with, deep cold blue, with fiery edges from when your heart was young. and you remember.
when there was no anxiety. when trouble meant you were 5 cents short. when you were filled with anticipation waiting for his knock on the door at 7:55pm. bursting. soaked up in pure heart crushing love...
then you begin to surface, slowly, reluctantly...you recover, snap out of it, try to shake it off. because there are appearances to keep up, vulnerabilities to hide when the light comes.