franny
bananafish

today is four...
Tue Jan 04 2011

and three days ago i had to say goodbye to my best friend. the right thing to do but difficult nonetheless. and i'm in wonder...in awe that my mind could get through the moments when life turns to death...or how it survives the 25 minute drive to the hospital knowing that she'll never set foot again in the apartment, or feel the sunshine while laying on my bed or sleep peacefully on coveted top of the chairs...

how do you get through ending a life? how do you say goodbye to a best friend, a face you've seen every day for the past 15 years 8 months? a being that has always been there for me no matter how drunk i was, how sober i was, how sad or happy, how messy or lazy or fit i was?

Sheera once placed herself between a screaming boyfriend and me as if she were my protector. she mourned at the loss of Mina by meowing loudly at the front door of the apartment. she was the reason i got out of bed each morning...she needed her meds.

my mind is in awe that somehow, eventually, this death will settle in like the last 2. will become another facet of me as a person, will change me a little but i'll move forward. i'll continue onward. my tears will dry up.

right now, though, my heart is inside out. thoroughly broken. i miss her, i miss my orangehead.

2 Comments
  • From:
    Flowingriver (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Jan 04 2011
    (((((hugs))))) so very sorry for your loss.
  • From:
    Salamander (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Jan 04 2011
    "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.

    Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.

    We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."


    - Irving Townsend.

    I've left this quote for others, but you'll understand it more than most. You get through it by knowing that this is how the circle of life works. Orangehead had a good life, a humane death, and immortality in the memory of others. So many cats get none of that. You should take pride in having kept her well as long as you did. There is no comfort, just time and, eventually, others who will need you too. It never stops hurting, but the pain does dull after a while.