went to the doc to get a check up and blood work done and lo and behold, i've got an underactive thyroid. had to have more blood work done to make sure (just testing the thyroid) and so now, i'm heading to the endocrinologist. would explain a shitload of symptoms that seemed to begin last year (fatigue, muscle weakness, joint pain) and would definitely explain the bad depression i've been experiencing lately... the type of depression that is actually surprising me. it would also explain the tough time i'm having losing weight. the sucky part about this whole thing is that i could only get an appt for the end of March. i've got to get through two more months of symptoms before finding relief.
had i not worked in the field i do or work the overnight hours, i would have probably noticed something wasn't right alot sooner. i attributed the tiredness/exhaustion, weight gain to crappy overnight hours and being on my feet for 12-13 hours at a time. the stress of the job, and the sad/bad things i see make it almost impossible to not be irritable and depressed.
the low thyroid has amplified all of this.
the only thing i can do is perhaps look for another doc and see if i can get an earlier appt. but i think the one i made is with a really good doc affiliated with NYU. at least there is an answer now. of that i am grateful.