it's approximately 1 hour before i have to start getting ready for work. i think my body is finally rebelling against the overnight hours. i just can't bring myself to change back to day hours.
~~~
not sure if i'll actually go away this year. last year, i headed out to the island and spent a couple of days near the ocean. this year? not sure. although i'm really needing to be near a large body of water. i want to just lay on the sand and think. the beaches out there (Hamptons) are virtually empty, during the week and especially after Labor Day. i hate going out there by myself though. alas...there is nothing i can do to conjure up another person...
sometimes, i'm okay with this. these days, i'm surrounded by failing relationships, failing marriages... i see the pain, the hurt, the absolute craziness...worst of all, i see fear of an unknown future and of having no control. what people never realize is that you can't control someone else's behavior, desire, actions. you can only hope that the committment you made with eachother lasts. that it is built on solid ground and is based on truth.
life does what it does. no matter how much you think you control it.
it is what it is. some fool themselves, others give in to a life full of mediocre...of a life full of okay, when what they really want is a life full of spectacular moments nestled in pretty good.
~~~
it'll rain today. summer is half over. i'll go out to the island or to the shore armed with a good book, good music, and my own mind.
~~~