November has been a difficult month so far, rising in crescendo to a complicated week, culminating on Friday in perhaps the most abysmal working day I have ever had. The fact that Monday has potential for being far worse doesn't help. This weekend, far from giving me a breather, has been one of the most stress-ridden two days I ever want to experience.
It doesn't help that I have to be circumspect when discussing my work. I allude to it in here, with tidbits meant to elucidate and mislead simultaneously. Writing any more frankly would mean losing my job. Ironically, losing my job before things came to this point would have been the best possible thing in the world. I stuck it out, convinced that I could make things better before we got to the point of worst case scenario. I never really appreciated how real a worst case scenario could become.
Of course, I still can't write about things, now that the Juggernaut has started dancing among the faithful. It hardly helps that I can document two plus years of "I told you so". Being right brings you no brownie points when you are predicting the end of a kingdom.
Friday morning I got a mass email alert from an organization I belong to. An anonymous member of our group had gotten a letter accusing them of a certain very bad problem. Since these were the same problems I'd been documenting at our own company, I forwarded the alert to my boss, saying that we were vulnerable as well, and to make sure anyone who needed to know among the executives was aware of this. I really didn't give it a second thought. Later that day I had to attend a large meeting that my boss was also at. I asked her if she'd had a chance to forward the warning, and emphasized again that our own company would have a very large problem if this ever happened to us. She verified that upper brass had been warned. Satisfied, I returned to my office.
There was a message waiting on my phone from a top executive at another corporation that I knew through an industry committee we both participated in. He cryptically said that he and two others from the committee were prepared to help our company and asked that I call him back. I thought I knew what this was in reference to, since I'd discussed a few problems with him when we had last seen each other. It was overkill to have called in the other experts, but I was grateful for the help. I immediately returned his call.
"I heard about what happened," he told me.
"We live in interesting times," I replied, figuring he was making small talk about that morningâs alert notice.
"I've spoken to a few of the others, and we think we can help you," he said. In the pause of one missed heartbeat, everything clicked into place.
"Are you telling me that my company is the one that got the letter?" A moment of dead air space.
"Didn't they tell you?" he replied.
"This is the first I heard of it,â I said. Without letting him say another thing I told him that I was sorry, but I had to discuss things with my boss. I hung up on him.
The first thing I said in my boss's office was "Tell me you didn't know."
"I can't tell you that," was the reply.
Didn't it occur to her that once word got out *I* would be the first person most people outside our company would call? "No, I never thought of that."
I demanded to know why I had been kept out of the loop. "I wanted to spare you the burden," my boss said. "I know what you feel like."
I told her in specific terms that she had no idea what I felt like. I managed to refrain from vulgarities, and I managed not to cry. But I said a few things that needed saying. I then informed her that I'd spoken my piece, and walked out.
I found another phone message when I returned to my desk, from the committee chair. She told me the president of our corporation had called her company for advice, that he'd assured her that the allegations against us were baseless, and that she had no idea that I didn't know about it. I swore her to secrecy, I told her the truth of things, and she tried to calm me down.
While on the phone with her, the person who inadvertently left the cat out of the bag left me a message. I called him back. He told me it sounded like I could use a friend. He told me that he'd always respected my company, but if they tried to scapegoat me on this his respect would be to me, not the corporation. In the face of what had become my worst professional day ever, the fact that I'd just received the highest professional compliment I'd ever had helped a little.
No one from my company tried to get in contact with me the remainder of the afternoon. No one has tried to call me at home this weekend.
A summary of key points, then.
- I don't know when this letter arrived, but it had to have come no later than Thursday. That means I have been kept from knowing about it for at least two business days, maybe more.
- This situation is directly related to things I am responsible for overseeing. It is a problem I am aware of, and have documented at least monthly for two years.
- Someone knowingly or unknowingly leaked this information outside the company.
- I am the person within the company who has made the most noise about this problem.
Do they think I'm responsible for the leak? It would explain why no one has spoken to me of this. It does not explain why I still have a job to walk back to Monday.
Who else would leak this? I'm not the only one within the company to be aware of the situation, but none of us benefit from this situation. Hell, we could all be out of jobs if this flares up. That leaves us with a disgruntled employee, an outside visitor, or a corporate spy. Any of these are possible, none are probable. There has to be an answer though, and I can't think of a fourth possibility.
Am I somehow responsible for the leak? I've reviewed in my head over and over again the people I've confided in outside the company. It's a very small list. Neither of the people on it would do such a thing. But did they? Or is there another way I've been indiscreet? I can't think of anything, and I've had an entire weekend to stew over it. It can't have been me.
So the circle comes round to itself again. Why haven't they told me? Do I have a job after tomorrow? Am I hirable after tomorrow?
As I recall, Cassandra did not come to a pretty end.
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