It made me a little sad, and a lot philosophical. A few of the vines had somehow missed being killed by the idiot construction workers and by the hard frosts we had this week. There they were, valiantly trying to hang in there. Since neither weather nor morons had done them in, I had to do it myself. I kept trying to tell myself it was more euthanasia than it was murder. The half a dozen unopened buds that would never get their day in the sun may have had a different opinion, though.
Literally hundreds of seeds rained down as I pulled the vines from the fence, and I anticipate feeling guilty again next year when I have to weed the second generation out like so much vermin. Yes, I realize I'm anthropomorphizing to the extreme here. But I babied those vines, and they gave me a huge amount of enjoyment this summer. They deserve better than burial in the trash bin, which was the best I could do with them.
When I was done removing the vines, I went back and picked up as much of the detritus as I could easy get. I was greatly annoyed by the fact that the workmen, in putting my fence back together, nailed the sides together without bothering to move the stems out of the way. Dozens of vines where crushed when the two corners were reunited. Try as I did, the remains of some of those crushed in the line of duty could not be removed, and will probably still be there next spring, reminding me of last year's blooms.
When I looked down, I saw one spent flower on the new bricks. Flower, seedpod and seed. It seemed poetic, somehow, but I'll let the reader muse on what, if any, meaning there is in it. It reminded me of a picture I took in September, when the vines were full of blooms every morning.

I hauled the bags out to the dumpster. It was the vegetable equivalent of a burial at sea for a pet goldfish. I returned, and uprooted the dead zinnias and verbena and yellow and red flower-ball things that I never did learn the name of. I located both of my dragonfly stepping stones which had been buried by dirt from the construction and by fallen leaves. I left the miniature roses, which may or may not survive the winter, the two coleus that the workmen had uprooted from the walled-in area and which have miraculously survived both that and frosts, and the cabbagey things that my younger sister told me to be sure and leave because they'd bloom into whatever they're going to be next spring. It looks stark now, but tidy.
![]() | Then I looked to the fresh gravel around the front of the fence, picking up leaves and bits of vine that my efforts had left behind. I discovered that the garden had it's own ideas about when to quit. There, in the gravel, were perhaps a dozen morning glory seedlings pushing their way up through the loose rocks. I didn't have the heart to weed them out. I'd destroyed too much of the garden with my own two hands as it was. These guys have no chance whatsoever, but they're plucky enough to try anyhow. I'll leave them alone, and hope for a late Indian summer for them. I'm not sure I learned too much from today's endeavors, but I was reminded of a few things.
-There were a few buds left on the vines and I could have left the vines go another week, watching them continue to die a slow and miserable death. It might have given those last few flowers a chance. But if there's anything more depressing than losing the garden when a few buds remain, it's looking at it when there's no hope left for another bloom. I look at my life the same way. If I die with all my hopes fulfilled and all my intentions completed, then I'll have lived too long. There can't be much joy in living with nothing other than memories. I want to be like my garden, doing things right up until the end, which means leaving a few things undone. -It's more important to make an impact on someone's life than anything else in life. I've had other gardens before, far more grand than this. I've spent more time in the garden than I was able to this summer. I've put more money into a garden, and had more compliments on my gardens. But THIS garden was a part of me the way no other garden before has ever been. It was a little patch of color that gave me joy on days when I needed that joy. I followed the progress of individual plants more intimately than I ever have before. It brought me butterflies when I couldn't chase them for myself. It brought me smells that returned lost memories of childhood mornings wet with dewy grass. The garden was both parent and child to me; we looked after each other. I should be so lucky to ever make that kind of impression on another person. -A thing is never lost, so long as there are the seedlings of remembrance. I have my pictures. I have diary entries. And I have a handful of seedlings that don't know when to cry "Uncle". -A gift certificate is never a replacement for a real gift. I'm glad my sisters parted from their gift-certificate ways for just one birthday. |