My mother's estate has finally been settled. I'll be receiving a check for a little more than $82,000 this weekend. Damn, I didn't want this money. I wanted her to spend it on herself. She refused to touch the principle on any of her accounts. Wanted it to be a nest egg for her "chicks". She did without, lived frugally until Alzheimer's robbed her of being able to take any enjoyment from life. I almost feel like this is blood money, gained only through her misery. I'd give up every last goddamned penny of it if it could have given her back her mind and some happiness in the last years of her life.

My older sister called to let me know that she pushed to get the estate settled because my younger sister and her husband have just decided to divorce. My younger sister is afraid of losing the house, and needs this money to buy out her husband's share of it. Married ten or so years, no kids. The biggest problem is going to be who keeps the rabbits, which are treated like children. I knew things were bad for them, and I'm not surprised at the decision, just the timing. The biggest problem was that he was away for weeks/months at a time for work, and that caused friction. He just got a desk job that would have dramatically cut back the travel. I begin to just now realize that perhaps it wasn't the travel that was hurting the marriage, but the time he spent home.

For some reason, I feel an overwhelming need to go home and be hugged for a while.