that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
I received a letter about a week ago from the state â my unemployment runs out in four weeks. I canât claim to be in a panic â Iâm not â but I am angsting a bit. Part of this is my own fault, since I gave myself permission to be unemployed until after Christmas. I honestly thought that I wouldnât have any problem landing some job when I began hunting in earnest. That was a very bad assumption on my part. Iâm vastly overqualified or under-qualified for anything in my immediate geographical area. Iâve only heard back from one resume that I submitted, and that was a âthanks but no thanksâ email.
I had very low reserves going into this period of unemployment because of LGSâs surgery and hospitalization last summer. The remaining reserves were stripped with the advent of the new year, when my professional fees and insurance all came due at once. For twelve years now I have been fiercely, proudly independent financially. This will come to an abrupt halt in the next few months unless something turns up soon.
My ambivalence about the situation is as profound as it is indefensible. I want employment, I need income, Iâm actively looking for a job. And yet I dread the inevitable blanket of stress that will be linked with finding the employment I need. I know on the gut level the approach/avoidance conflict that my foster cats are experiencing right now. Maybe thatâs why Iâve got the patience to sit with them for hours at a time right now. If I canât relieve my own anxieties, perhaps I can at least help them with theirs.