I grow weary of public diarying. The weariness is temporary. Probably. I owe no explanations to anyone, to put it bluntly. But this isn't what I wanted when I started.
There was a time I used to make a point of leaving a comment on as many newbies' first entries as I could. It was a way of telling people "Yes, somebody will read this. Maybe not every day, and maybe they won't always get what you're saying. But if you keep writing, they'll read. And maybe you'll make a few connections out there." I don't do that often now.
I've made some connections. It can be a healthy, frustrating, challenging and rewarding thing, finding common threads by looking into the self-portraits of others. It's an interesting phenomenon, finding a piece of yourself in another's profile. It's a reassuring thing, to know you aren't completely alone. But it is also a vulnerable thing, to expose yourself in this manner. And I tire of constantly checking my armor for chinks, and I tire of the necessity of looking out for unexpected weapons, whether they be small darts or large harpoons.
I don't ask to be added to someone's friends list until I feel I've made a connection with them in some way. And I'm fully willing to let them decide not to add me. There's no obligation on their part. Trust on the internet should be given sparingly. I fear I've gotten to the point where I do not trust much at all any more.
You who are on the outside of this entry, knocking to get in. You want to be my "friend"? Then make friends with me. Don't ask me questions that are already answered in the diary. I am not flattered by your interest. I am insulted that you can't be arsed to at least skim what I have put in my main page or on my index page.
You want to be my friend? Then read my entry, make a pertinent comment, and then come back and do the same thing every few entries. Let me read your entries, and decide if I want to comment on them. Give it a few months. Maybe something will happen. Maybe something won't. That's life. Even on the Net.
You want to be my friend? Then make public comments. Approach me in the open, for all to see. Don't hide behind a new name and a two-week-old diary. I do not take private comments from people I've never met before seriously.
You want to be my friend? Then wait until I decide to make some public entries again. I might have undergone an attitude adjustment by then.
I have decided to cut off all access to my diary by "newbies" for now. I haven't decided how to handle comments yet. I'll wait until that becomes an issue, if it ever does.